Feeling Sick

I'm not feeling very well right now. Fever hasn't really come on yet, but my throat has been scratchy since last night so that usually means that I'm getting toncilitis again. The weather isn't helping too. There can be mornings that are extremely hot and then it will rain hard during the afternoon. There are times when it's just gonna rain on and off all day like awhile ago. I really can't predict the weather, and most of the time I forget to bring an umbrella so I end up having to walk in the rain to get to my next class.

My head's starting to hurt a little bit now. Great. And I have 8 chapters to memorize tomorrow for my long test in History on Wednesday.

Wait a minute, it already is tomorrow.

Argh. I gotta go to sleep. But I've just woken up from a long nap about three hours ago so right now I'm not ready for bed yet. I hope I do feel better in a few hours because besides the gazzilion pages of readings I have to go through, I also have to draw about a dozen scenes for a short video for my school org. And I have to photoshop things. And I have to finish the script for the video. And I have to make a powerpoint presentation for the general assembly.

I have no idea how I'm gonna do all that in a day while I am sick.

However, I found something that made me feel a little bit better.

As mentioned in my previous post, I'm in a Jeff Hardy phase. Still am. I actually tuned out during Philosophy awhile ago (which is something I rarely ever do because the lessons are hard to follow) because of him. Just daydreaming, you know. Girl stuff.

Look for him for my annual year-end 10 hottest guys list. :) Randy Orton may get bumped off the top spot this year.

Anyway, I found this pic of Jeff. As the original poster of this pic in a forum said, he is "insanely adorable".

He really is.




















I never noticed that he has dimples before. Oh man. *melts*

I can't wait 'til Friday when I get to see him again in Smackdown.

I have no life.

I FUCKING MISS HIGH SCHOOL

[07:13] deutzy_gurl13: hi henny!
[07:36] fudtripers: hey steph
[07:37] deutzy_gurl13: happy lunch! sorry storbo, i'm at work, really bored.
[07:38] fudtripers: you're working already???
[07:38] fudtripers: times have really passed!
[07:38] fudtripers: sa biz niyo?
[07:38] deutzy_gurl13: haha hindi pa, practicum pa lang. ayoko pa magwork noh hehe.
[07:38] deutzy_gurl13: dont worry di ka pa ganun katanda!
[07:39] fudtripers: hahaha
[07:41] deutzy_gurl13: sige nanga, magpepretend na akong nagtatrabaho. baka bigla bumali boss ko. hehe. c u soon sana!
[07:41] fudtripers: sure! inom tayo. hehehe
[07:42] fudtripers: take care

As usual, I'm really bored right now. I'm only waiting for my boss to come back so we could meet to discuss plans for Mothers' Day and stuff. I already called up Philippine Daily Inquirer like she asked me to, but they scheduled to meet with me on Friday to discuss details of their offer. Which is weird, because I just want to ask a few things about it. I guess the dude who handles that is super-kaduper busy. I'm not really sure if they're just gonna call on Friday or they're gonna go here, in person, which is really frightening because first of all, I'm already scared when I was asked to call them. I have low self-esteem like that. And for me to meet with them in person?! I mean, the questions that I prepared to ask weren't really difficult to answer. Yikes. What have I gotten myself into?

Anyway, so while my boss went back home to I don't know, have lunch and take a nap maybe, I'm taking the time to go online, check my mail, and maybe chat with a few people. And of course blog. So as usual, nobody's online this time of day. They're probably out having a fun vacation, bumming around, or like me, stuck at work in the middle of a glorious summer. The last one I'm gonna have, I might add, before I have to work for real, with pay and all.

So I found a couple of friends online, and also my high school softball coach. He's an awesome coach, and now he's also a daddy! Well, he has been for a few years now. But when he started coaching us he was single. Oh what time has done.

I've been kind of thinking about high school for a couple of days now, whenever I'm upstairs in the function room trying not to be bored. One thing I really miss about high school is softball. I like the game, but what I really miss about it was the camaraderie. The softball team was like a second family to me. We had fun every practice. Lots of memories were formed. Even though those Sunday practices resulted to my uneven skintone, I don't care, because I got a hell of a fun time every time we set out to that field. And the medals were cool too. It's just that, the team's chemistry was perfect. We were all crazy, even our coach. Which is proven by his "inom tayo" comment. Haha! He has been inviting us to go out for drinks for a long time now, but we never got the chance to. Hopefully this year it'll push through. Hmm. Maybe I should plan it.

Being in this job makes me feel really grown up, you know? Evcen though I'm not being paid and I know that I'd be out of this in a few days, I really got the taste of working for someone. It's scary because if I screw up, it's my life that's on the line. That's why I miss being in high school. One thing is that I was a teen back then, which kind of gives me the excuse to screw up. I can do whatever, not study, and still get decent grades. It's just easier that time. I can also remember being angsty and complaining how difficult everything was. I mean, yeah, Chinese subjects were a pain in the ass but besides that, I got to hang out with my friends almost every single day of the week. Now I'm lucky if I get to see them once a month.

Sigh. I'm actually working on my 100 things I miss most about high school. I'll post it soon. My boss is back and my ass will be fired if she catches me blogging during work! Or will she even care? Because I was completely staring into space awhile ago while she's beside me and she didn't even care. Whek. Whatever.

I Have No Idea What Title to Give This

So there.

I was supposed to write one of my Top 10 lists I made during work today while I was bored outta my wits, but I went through the top 10 lists and I just realized that they're so boring like Top 10 favorite songs or favorite movies or countries I would like to go to... So ordinary, right? The nice ones I haven't finished yet. I'm still working on 10 Things I'm Gonna Do When I Go to England and the 5 Albums I Wanna Listen to If I'm Trapped in a Deserted Island. Pretty hard because I mean, I'd probably die on that island and so I wanna be listening to all my favorite songs by different artists. Maybe I'll just write "My Own Compilation" there.

I'm still working on the 10 Weirdest Things About Me.

So... I don't know if I've mentioned it but I've been marathon-ing Charmed since I don't know, two or three weeks ago. I'm in Season 4 now, and so I'm kinda back in the whole magical world and everything. So these past couple of days, I've been feeling kinda down. I wanna make myself feel better, but that usually entails lots and lots of sleep, maybe a bit of baking, and lots of DVDs and some books. Maybe ice cream and donuts too. But I'm trying to cut back on fats now 'coz work has me sitting all day, add that with the heat of the summer and I just might get a stroke or a heart attack. So I'm sort of being careful now. And work takes up my whole day (and I can't sleep there) so no time for all the other things, except at night, like right now, maybe for a couple of hours.

I rambled, I know, I'm sorry. So anyway, being back in the magical world because of Charmed combined with the shitty feeling makes me wanna wallow in my sorrow or something. So I thought, what is magical and at the same time sad?

Now I'm back to Harry.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for it yet. I held off all these months from reading it a second time because it's like...such a huge thing. It's the last one, and a heavy one, filled with actions and emotions. It's not like the other books where I could just cry at the end because that's where the sad part is. This book... It's all throughout.

I read until page 6 just awhile ago. It was... I think I'll stop there for now. Because Harry Potter books, especially that last one, demands my whole attention. I can't concentrate when I'm thinking about how I should sleep early because I have another 9 hours of my life to waste at work tomorrow.

But I miss that world. I really do. It's like my safe place, you know? When I'm sad, I could just open the book and get lost in that world again. I wish this work thing is over so I could get back there.

Sigh...

I don't know. I'm feeling gloomy today. Hay. I am happy that it's finally the weekend. I have a couple of days to recuperate from endless sleepless nights. Although there's still Philo orals and long test to go.

I'm also gonna have a small party with my friends. Belated celebration of my birthday. I miss them a lot and it's great that we're finally gonna see each other again.

So why do I feel so weird?

I don't know. It's one of those days, I guess. Hay. I don't know. I should be happy. Happy happy happy. I was happy awhile ago. Where did happiness go?

I've had the song Scars by Papa Roach all day in my head. I'm feeling kind of...just like that. Like mad and depressed. Whatever. Mad at myself. Mad at the world. Mad for feeling like this when I'm supposed to be ok.

"My weakness is that I care too much."

I guess right now the angst has gone and only a feeling of helplessness is left. Gentle hopelessness. And I want it to stop. I'd rather be angry. At least anger can be let out. But feeling like there's nothing I can do just eats me up.

Alone again tonight
Without someone to love
The stars are shining bright
So one more wish goes up

I wish I may
And I wish I with all my might
For the love I'm dreaming of
And missing in my life

You'd think that I could find
A true love of my own
It happens all the time
To people that I know

Their wishes all come true
So I've got to believe
There's still someone out there who
Is meant for only me

I guess I must be wishing on someone else's star
It seems like someone else keeps getting what I'm wishing for
Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are
I guess I must be wishing on someone else's star

I sit here in the dark
And stare up at the sky
But I can't give my heart
One good reason why

Everywhere I look
It's lovers that I see
Seems like everyone's in love
With everyone but me

Why can't I be as lucky
As those other people are
Oh I guess I must be wishing
On someone else's star


:(

Remember His Life, Remember His Death.

Everybody hates Chris Benoit now.

Here are news from Google and WWE.com.

My brain tells me that I should be hating on him too, because what he did is truly horrible. If he did it at all. I still would like to believe that someone else did it and made it look like he did it. But slowly, I'm trying to accept the fact that one of the greatest wrestlers in the business, one who was described to be a family man, a loving father, could do such a horrifying thing. But I still can't bring myself to really curse him to hell. All I'm hoping is that his family's souls rest in peace, and that may God have mercy on his soul.

I'm on a really long break between classes now so I checked out latest news about the investigation of his death. I also checked out MyLot for discussions about him. I did expect hating. I don't know why it still hurt to read people dissing him, saying that he did not deserve any honor.

I agree with them that he did not deserve any honor for what he did. Even if he was famous, that was still a criminal act. But for me, I'd like to remember him as the wrestler that I admired. I mean, it's too late to do anything now. He's dead. They're all dead. Only God can do anything now.

The hard part here is, as a fan, how will I remember his good days without seeming insensitive to his family? They're the victims. They deserve the honor. But I do honor them. I really am sorry for what happened. I am sorry that he did it. Am I supposed to be sorry for being a fan too? If anybody knew how to be a real fan, you'd know how it feels like to feel like a complete stranger is part of your life. Even just a tiny part. When I got the news that Chris died, I was shocked. I didn't expect to feel this bad about it because I didn't know him at all. He's just a wrestler on TV, right? But I did admire him. And I feel like a part of me died.

Someone else said that we should just forget about him. I wanna do this. Just forget it. Because I know that I can't hate him. I'll just pray for the family he's left, the family affected by this.

I'm Torn.

All WWE fans would know that Vince McMahon's "death by limo explosion" is a humongous hoax. It's a very obvious scam to boost the TV points of WWE's shows. Nonetheless, I was at first a bit stunned when my dad told me that Mr. McMahon exploded. I was like, "What?!?!" That's impossible. Did all his bullcrap catch up to him at last and brought him down? I haven't been up to date with the shows, so I checked WWE.com. There it was, the picture of the exploding limo. I still wasn't convinced, so I downloaded that episode of Monday Night Raw. I was right. It was staged.

When my brother rapped his knuckles on my bathroom door awhile ago and told me excitedly that he's got news, I wasn't that interested so I blurted out what came to mind automatically. I asked, "So who died?" He paused, and asked, "So you already know?" And I was like, whoa. Someone really died? I racked my brain for someone who could be dead now. I was thinking that maybe Mr. McMahon really did die or something.

He told me while we were having dinner. I seriously didn't believe it at first because my brother is known to invent things up so I learned to take whatever news he has with a grain of salt. Right after eating, I went up to my room to search for the news. I saw the status message of a friend of mine whom I know watches WWE. It said, "Rest in Peace Benoit" or something like that. I knew right then that it was true.

It's on the WWE homepage now. There's a tribute to him. Here's also an article which explains the police findings and stuff.

It said that Chris Benoit murdered his wife and son and then committed suicide himself. He didn't even make it to a wrestling thing last Saturday and to Vengeance. Some friends of him recieved weird text messages Sunday morning from Chris too so they alerted the police, asked them to kind of check on the Benoit residence. They found him and his family dead.

I'm really really really sad. For me, it's such a great loss to WWE because Chris Benoit is such an amazing wrestler. A lot of people commented on a news article about Chris not being worthy of a tribute since he is said to have done those murders. I do understand their point. If it were any other person that I read about, I'd be like, to hell with him. Why do you cry over him when he's done what he's done? But I've admired Chris for a long time now. And he seemed to be such a nice guy. I mean, he was great friends with Eddie Guerrero. WWE superstars seem to like him a lot, regardless of whatever ploy or storyline the company makes him do. But as a fan, I know I'll never know. I don't know him personally. He may have had some serious problems. As a professional, he didn't bring personal problems to work. I wish he'd sought help or something.

I fully understand people who diss him for what he has supposedly did. But me, I'm going to wait until the investigation ends. I wanna learn all the facts. I really want to know is what drove him to do what he did. I don't think anybody in their right mind would do something like that. I think Chris got really scared. Scared of something. But what? Someone else suggested that it was a side effect of steroids. I don't know. Unless they release the cause of death, we can't draw conclusions. I just wish, if he really did commit suicide, that he had some sort of note or something. I can't believe the authorities aren't looking for suspects. For all we know, he could have been framed. I mean, it could happen, right? Some may look at this as me confusing fiction with reality, but hey, if CSI writers could come up with the weirdest stuff, it could happen in real life. After all, TV is a kind of mirror of real life right? I really wish Chris turns out to be innocent. But that wouldn't be fair to his wife's and his little boy's memories, if he really did it.

Hay. People can really surprise you sometimes, even at the last moment.

Rest in Peace, Benoit family.

Dinggo Superstar

My Baby
2002-2007
Rest in Peace

I hope you're having a grand time up there in doggie heaven.

So... It's April. The tragedy begins.

Yeah, it took me another month to muster up the energy to post again. That's how lazy I am. Well, it's summer, it's hot,and I've only got another week of pure vacation time, so I'm using that as an excuse.

Anyway, a lot has happened in the past month.

First thing, I survived the final hell week and the finals week. There were a couple casualties though, and one of them was very very dear to me.

Let's see...

So after that weird semi-poetic (would you call it that? nah. but it's my blog so...yeah.) post I did, I went on for two more weeks of sheer torture and great relief to stressful moments. First, we finished up our ad interviews and the plans for the finals. We made the atmospherics and everything. I still got paint on my butt. The presentation was good, we got a 90! AND!!! We got second place so we're gonna be on the next issue of ADOBO magazine! Yey!

What else...

S.A. was nightmarish because we didn't have enough stuff to fill the 15 pages minimum. We kinda winged it at the last day, around 3 hours before the deadline. Adrenaline sure does bring out the best in us. Or the sloppiest. Whatever.

Bea and I finished Spanish. The fiesta was better than I expected. We had a blockmate who sang and sounded so marvelous; I was stunned. I knew he could sing but I can't believe he could sing that well!

So the first casualty faded away right after our Spanish exam. It was my last finals, and I was in the mood for a mini celebration (because the S.A. paper was still unfinished) after I handed in my test paper to Señor Prado. But when I searched my bad for my cellphone... poof! It's gone. Again. FOR THE THIRD DANG TIME! Seriously, I felt so shi**y I wanted to kill people. But I had to move on. It's vacation.

So now I'm living off Sun Cellular. Never thought I'd appreciate it this much.

So there, a couple more days in school for some document signing and emergency reason-generating (WHY do I want to minor in Lit? Er... Hang on... *invents something up*) and total bum-days start! Saturday afternoon, Sunday and Monday were filled with nothing but sleep, food, TV (while my remote control still existed) and even more sleep. 'Twas fun.

Until the next day.

I was up Monday night doing nothing. Or was I watching movies? Whatever. All I remember was that I was chatting on YM with a friend until the wee hours of the morning. So as expected, I was on shut down mode until around noon.

I was awoken by I don't know what. I closed my eyes again. It's only like, 10Am. Too early to get up. My mom burst through my door, and I was prepared to feign sleep. Then she blurted out, "Namatay na si Dinggo kaninang madaling araw." (Translation: Dinggo (my dog) died at dawn.)

I was like, what the hell? Am I still dreaming? Then I remembered that he was sent to the vet because he'd been throwing up blood yesterday morning. Poor little baby. It was shocking. I was shocked. I was motionless for about an hour just digesting that information. I knew he was sick, but we kept on sending him back to the vet 'cause he has this hacking cough but the vet kept on saying that there was nothing wrong with him. Stupid idiot.

So I charged toward the vet, ready to yell at him 'til he dies. But I couldn't do it. It isn't in my nature to confront people. Well, I really planned on doing it. But there was someone else in the room, and it was his house (I mean, his house is beside the clinic so his family is there) so I really didn't want to make a fool of myself. And my mom warned me that I might get arrested. So. I shut up.

And seeing my dear doggie's carcass stiff, with his leg protruding from that sack - yes, a sack! Damn that vet to hell! - just shut me up. I don't cry in public, I really don't. I didn't even cry on my grandparents' funeral. But that time, I really felt the tears welling up. I stopped them before they spilled over.

If only it wasn't a crime, I would've stuck that loser of a vet into that sack and kicked him 'til he drowned in his own pool of blood.

So there. Tragic weeks.

Well, it was the Holy Week. The last four days of the week was pretty fun and relaxing and oh so full of shrimp. I don't think they knew any other seafood. Shrimp shrimp and more shrimp. Different kinds of shrimp dishes. Bubba from Forrest Gump would've been proud of us.

As the last dregs of my vacation gets siphoned off to the sunset (or sunrise, whatever), well, okay. I don't know what to say. Ha ha. I just want to do major bumming around. It's my last summer vacation! Next year, I'd have to work. The year after that, I'd have to look for a real job! Sigh. This is the last one.

I don't wanna grow up yet!!!!!!!!!!!

Except maybe to marry Randy Orton. Did I mention that he's so awfully HOT??? Yeah... He was in my dreams last night... Don't worry, it's PG-13.

About that four letter word

Here's something I recieved thru SMS from one of my friends:

Somebody once asked me, "How do you hold love?"
I answered, "With your hands wide open, your palms facing up, and with your heart ready to let go and let the other grow."
And that somebody asked, "What if it hurts you?'
I smiled wistfully and said, "Then it means you're doing it right."

I'm not really trying to say something really life changing or insightful here. I just agree that love hurts. It sucks. Well, not entirely. There's the love of your family and friends; those are good. But what I'm talking about is falling in love. It's awful. Especially if you give all your love, but that person just doesn't want you. It's just the worst thing ever, hoping that that person would feel the same way too. You keep hoping and reading into things too much, taking every little gesture as a sign of something else, some reciprocal feeling. Then you get all giddy and wide-eyed at the prospect of finally getting to him, of finally being seen as you see that person. And then you try to get closer because you assume you could, after all those little things you thought were affection, just to find yourself knocking against that same wall that is friendship, the same wall that's been blocking you, confining you in that room of his heart, the room labelled "FRIENDS ONLY".

And here's a song that is perfect for all the people out there that are in the same stand as I am right now about love, about falling in love, that love: IT'S CRAP.

Love hurts, love scars,
Love wounds, and marks,
Any heart, not tough,
Or strong, enough
To take a lot of pain,
Take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

I'm young, I know,
But even so
I know a thing, or two
I learned, from you
I really learned a lot,
Really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
It burns you when it's hot
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They're not fooling me

I know it isn't true,
I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
Love hurts, ooh,ooh love hurts
Ooh,ooh love hurts

Harry Becomes A Man

And the whole cast, too, actually.

I haven't been updated with Harry news for some time now. Been busy with school. I've been primed by an email from Mugglenet to go visit that world that I leave behind when I choose to live in reality. So I went to Mugglenet, and found a whole lot of new Order of the Phoenix photos.

I've seen a few in the past months, stolen shots here and there. But these official hi-res photos reveal the fact that the kids (okay, I'm not too old. I'm the same age as the guy that plays Malfoy!) are growing up fast. There's a re-run of Sorcerer's Stone last night on a local channel (because it's Halloween season). Remembering their innocent faces in that film, it's amazing how much they've matured over the years. I've literally watched them grow up, and even grow up with them.

The Weasley twins are so manly now that it's kind of hard to believe that they're supposed to play seventeen or eighteen year-olds. Still, their wacky antics are perfect for the characters. Hermione has grown beautifully. Neville's weight loss can't be denied anymore. Ron seemed to have been stretched vertically. Basically everybody's grown taller! Dan's, on the other hand, most noticeable change for me is his face. Really. He really looks like a man now (okay, almost). He used to have chubby cheeks back in SS and now...just take a look at these pictures. (Click them to view larger version)



Luna Lovegood is pretty, too. :)

Here's Umbridge in her creepy little pink office...


Three more movies to go, and only a book left to wait for...then all of this will end. Harry Potter will be over. I'm not saying that the fandom will die. No. I will forever be a fan, and so will millions of people out there. I'm just sad that there'll be nothing to look forward to anymore. What will Mugglenet do now? What will the HP Sleuths analyze?

It's hard to see the end, harder to get over it, too. I've been living in the Potter world for six years already. And I can really say that I grew up with Harry Potter. I've found my home in Hogwarts, a home where I'm just like everyone else, not some wackjob who believes in witches and flying brooms and magic. I really wish I lived there, you know? Even though there's Voldemort - the epitome of evil - residing there, I'd still take it. At least they only have one, unlike over here in reality, there are several Voldemorts who don't care about anyone else but having power.

I Told YOu I wAS dEPRessED

Your Depression Level: 48%

You seem to have mild depression. A lot of people fall into your range, and it's quite possible you don't need treatment. If you've been feeling this way for a while, you may want to seek help.

Are You Depressed?

Dysthymic Depression, to be more specific. Feeling sluggish, too. Loss of sleep...well, Theo's fault. But still.

I feel like throwing up right now.

I need some ice cream.

Dora's Trip to North Pole

I hate Dora the Explorer. I hate her whiny voice and her talking backpack and her talking monkey friend. I think that by watching it, kids would actually get dumber. Nor would they learn the Spanish thing. Yes, maybe some older kids would be all, "Ah, so gracias is thank you in Spanish..." Their schemas would be able to associate it if they're mature enough. But I'm afraid that some kids would just remember Baminos! and not even know what that means (I've heard that a million times in the show - I still don't know what it means. Does it mean "Let's go"?) I hate the mouse pointer thing, too. I don't know. Haha. Maybe one day I'd like that show. I used to hate Spongebob as much, but after viewing a couple of episodes, now I love dear ol' Spongey.

I was waiting for the rerun of CSI:NY in AXN tonight. There's nothing else worth watching on TV (Ed TV in HBO ended about twenty minutes ago) so I switched to cartoons. I don't like Cartoon Network's Adult Swim (the phantom guy is so irritatingly stupid. or was that the other superguy...?). So I switched to cartoon network, and lo and behold, it's Dora the Lakwatsera. I hate her triangular hair (because I have it too, and it sucks. I hate it.) I had no other choice so I decided to watch it. No, I still hate her, but the show was pretty okay.

I got to the part where she's helping this cub (baby wolf) cross a river (it's icy all around) by jumping on whales. So I've just researched and discovered that some whales actually live in rivers (credits to the writer, not Dora). I was about to turn the TV off 'cause it's so annoying but then she said something about the North Pole. Hey, I've just felt the Christmas Spirit (and chilly air, yey!) today so I'm all ears.

It turns out that she travelled to the North Pole to give Santa a present. That was what made me like the episode. After all these years of believing in Santa (although right now, I know better, but I still want to believe, just for the joy of it), I've never thought of giving him a present. It's always the sock with a little wish list inside but never a letter asking, "So Santa, what do you want for Christmas?" He works all year making sure that good kids get presents, but what does he get in return? Yeah, yeah, the joy of giving, the expression of children's faces, blah blah blah, but still. Nobody even thought of giving him a gift because they took it for granted that it's his job to be the one giving the gifts. I don't know, I just realized that I've been really selfish then, asking for all those presents from him, and not even thinking of what he wants. Sure, the milk and cookie are nice, but that's like, a default thing to give (besides, he doesn't need the transaturated fat from packed cookies. if it's home baked, then better. But still, it adds to the belly :) ) Nobody took time to know what Santa wants. After all, Santa is also human (if he exists) who deserves a nice pressie come Christmas morning. It was sad when Dora saw that there's nothing under Santa's tree. :(

So, what do you think Santa's wish list would contain? Hmm.

What a sad sad day.

I think this is one of the most mixed-up days of my college life. I had Theo orals first thing in the morning, and I absolutely flunked it. I'm sure. It sucks.

After that, I just wanted to put it out of my mind. I didn't want Theo to ruin my day. I was looking forward to spending the rest of it in Goth fashion (although I think I looked more Avril Lavigne-ish, which was NOT what I was going for). We had our last neverwear day for the sem (and the only one, so for, that I've participated in). Our theme? Our beloved prof, the coolest prof I've ever known from his all black outfit (I've never seen him in other colors) down to every ring on his figners. And he has the awesomest pen bag. Lets just call him... Jack Skellington. :)

It was so nice and heart-warming, for me, when he popped his head in the classroom door and paused. "Why are you guys all in black?" he asked. "Sir, it's neverwear day," my blockmate replied, "and you're our theme!" He went, "Oh. Wow. My children!" He said it with a huge grin. It was funny, 'cause he so doesn't look like someone who'd have kids. I mean, for the time being anyway. He's, I think, thirty, but he looks hip like a twenty-something.

I actually listened intently to everything he said awhile ago (because I was guilty of being totallyinattentive last meeting - I just kept on talking with my seatmate, haha. my other blockmate told me that we could be heard up front, and was a bit disctracting to our prof. sorry sir!!). Also, it was partly because I was happy that he was happy that we looked" like him. We looked like a cult of some sort. Haha! And it's the first time I've worn eyeliner to school (which, my friend told me, suited me nicely, and asked me to wear eyeliner everyday, which I won't, because it gets smudged when I sweat, and there's no "special" factor if I do it everyday).

So there, I was paying attention and actually heard what we're supposed to do with the final project. We had our media experience part (which is about the video up there---> he's there. our prof. Haha. Guess which guy he is) and everyone was laughing and stuff. He started to talk about the expectations we wrote on our index cards and apologizing for not being able to accomplish some of them. And then when the bell was about to ring, he said, "So guys, thanks for the sem..." We were like, 'What sir? It's over? How about Thrusday?" He told us that we could just meet up on Thurs if we want to discuss the project, but that was our last proper class.

I wasn't expecting it to end that day. It was lucky we had the neverwear day today. At least his last memory of us was...black?! Hahah! We even had a class picture thing. Aw. I'm gonna miss that class. I felt like I wdidn't give much input in it (I really didn't) and it ended...just like that. :(

But then, Psych came. No, I wasn't exempted. How could I, I'm stupid. Then we got called to stay after class. It's something about the project, our prof said. My heart couldn't have sunk lower at that point. I thought, "This is it. We flunked. I flunked Theo, I haven't slept, the previous class is over, and now, I've probably flunked the project. Great. I suck. My life sucks." I admit, I almost got teary that time. I felt like I couldn't take any more disappointment at that point. My seatmate even told me that she did see me like, fall apart silently. It was such a relief when we finally got to talk to our prof and she told us that our project was quite interesting and that she only needed to know how we got the whole thing together. Phew. I was at the brink of killing myself with tubs of ice cream and a bucket of KFC.

Well, I actually bought the ice cream and some chips. And yey to my bro for bringing home donuts. I am so in my depressed state right now that I don't care if I'm bloated tomorrow. Maybe I'd just put eyeliner on so they'd be drawn in to my eyes, not my fat butt.