No Elated Atenean Spirit Tonight

So... Yeah. You probably know.

We lost.

I'm sad. Just really sad. I mean, I'm not sad for me. I can take BS from my Archers friends and cousins. I've put up with it for 3 years.

I'm just really sad for the players and other students who are graduating this March.

I watched the game with several seniors and a super senior, and it just broke my heart to see their faces when the final buzzer went off. It was kind of their "last chance" to see our team win, and maybe get the trophy. Technically, it's not their last because they can always get alumni tickets or see it on tv, but being a student and watching the game is different. It's like being at the epicenter of an earthquake. The energy is just that much.

And Araneta bleachers are made of wood... I think. So when people stomp their feet, it really fells like there's an earthquake. Scary.

WIN OR LOSE IT'S THE SCHOOL WE CHOOSE

I am regretting the days when I didn't care about the UAAP. It did shield me from the jeers of the other camp (well, not so much), but the joy and camaraderie and school pride that I could have gotten out of it would be so worth the taunts.

I am truly sorry about the times that I shrugged our team off saying, "Yeah, we suck. We'll never win that." If only I had Hermy's time turner, I'd go back in time and smack my head so hard it'll go further back in time.

I can't imagine ever saying that from now on. I've seen how hard the team played, how they worked their asses off just to win. And I know they can do it. I am sure they can win. They are good enough. They are great people. I don't know them personally, but I know they are wonderful people and that they are very talented. Whatever happened tonight, I am still so proud of them for having come this far, and maybe even prouder for taking it like true sportsmen.

I was just asking my friends awhile ago if our team had some sort of fanlisting or something, because I really wanna tell them how wonderfully they did and that 3rd place isn't something to be ashamed of. Nobody thinks lesser of them for that. I am even honored to be going to the same school as them, and Ateneo is truly blessed for having them as her team. People who fight like that deserve our respect.

I was kind of planning on just walking up to one of them and shaking their hand and saying, "It's an honor." But I think they'd freak out or something. And I don't know where to find them.

I'm just sad for the players who have played so well and so hard and have now come to their last year in ADMU, but have never tasted the sweetness of a championship. I really feel that they deserve that, but oh well. Life's like that.

I wish all the players would still be able to stay for another year. Get an MA or something. Sigh.

I hope that the Blue community would never lose hope.

There's still next year.

We can do it!

We still believe!

Uhm... Lovely Night?

Okay, tonight isn't exactly lovely.

It's just really... dreary.

Strat Plan sucked like hell. Friday night, I didn't know that we had a deadline. I thought the paper he made us do last Thursday was a group paper. I didn't check my email because 1) no internet here at home Thurs night 2) I was cramming for our one and only Philo long test.

So I didn't see the mail that said that the Global Trends Paper was due the next night at 7pm and it was an individual paper. If only I knew about this, I would've done a lot better. Well, maybe a little bit better. My paper was just full of BS. Really. Well, maybe a chunk of it, because we did discuss some of the things I wrote there. I just didn't cite sources to prove that the global trands I mentioned were really global trends. Argh. I wish I can keep my B class standing. I'm not asking for an A. Just a B will make me really happy.

Actually, an A will make me happier but that's like asking for Chris Tiu to like...talk to me or something.

Speaking of him.

No, I'm not gonna go all gooey and cheesy and fuss over him here. (I already did that in a previous post and I hope nobody read that) I was waiting for my file transfer to finish so I thought, why don't I google him? After all, I was wondering what his full name was. Christopher or Christian?

So, I found out that it was Christopher. Hmm. Why don't they just use the Topher part? Like that dude in That 70s Show. I guess Chris is faster to say.

Anyway, I stumbled over this blog post about him... And it kinda said everything that I wanted to say about Chris. Oh, and that I am really proud that I'm going to the same school as he is, and that I wish he went to SJCS, just to give my high school some glory.

Here's the blog entry I was talking about.

He's Prince Charming personified.

So the blogger said. Rightly put. I bet his parents are so damn proud of him they don't know what to do to express it. I kinda wish I'd be able to make my parents proud like that. I mean, basketball and acads at the same time? I'm not even that active in my orgs and I already get sucky grades. He trains all the time (someone told me the basketball team trains before and after class. what energy!) and is still a consistent DL. I mean... Wow. Just wow. I mean, that alone makes me admire him a whole lot. Throw in the looks and his down-to-earth attitude...

Just perfect.

Oh, and I read somewhere that he was in a Master (the facial cleaner for guys) commercial. I can't remember. Well, I think I do... But very very vaguely. And I can't find it on YouTube. Ah, sucks.

Well, all I can say is, he'd make a girl really really really really really 10-to-the-amouny-of-money-Bill-Gates-has-power happy someday. Or even right know. Don't know his status, don't wanna know either. :)

Oh, and to share a text message about him.. Really corny so don't read on if you hate this kinda thing:

ATTN: Fr. Nebres: "Church of the Gesu to be renamed Iglesia ni Christiu." For more infor, text ILUVTIU to 2366.

I just wanna say that this is kind of unfair to the other players. Really. As much as I admire Chris, I saw how hard Araw and Baclao and Reyes and even Long played last Thursday. I mean, Araw had what, 17 points? Or more? That deserves our appreciation guys!!! The Ateneo Blue Eagles are a TEAM...not just one person.

Oh yeah, and someone said that Chris was like a demigod now. I kinda-sorta agree...based on the way people talk about him. But I wouldn't wanna use that term. I find it a bit...blasphemous or something. I don't know. I see him as more of a celebrity.

Go, celebrity culture.

Shemay!!!!

Ok, after like, what, a month of not checking this blog out, I completely forgot about my chatterbox. Now it's been deleted. Argh! I hate myself. I wanted to keep it going for a long time, and maybe be able to look back at the stupid things I said on it.

ARFGHG!!!!!! &%&^$(&)*(!@%#_)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I wanna stop thinking about that now. This week is stressful as it is. I'm just gonna install a new one.

Ugh. I hate myself!!!!

Anyway, I've got a vat of choco sundae... Nevmind the fat. I just wanna get this week over with!

Comres and Philo, here I come!!!

P.S. I've so much to tell... Oh well. Sembreak = 4 weeks away

Guys, In 3 Minutes We're Gonna Walk Outta Here...

That's what our beadle for Strategic Planning said awhile ago.

Yet again, our professor is late. Late late late late late. Well, I'm kinda thankful for that. I was extra-sleepy awhile ago so after having lunch, I laid down to take a short "nap", about 5-10 minutes. But then I woke up and it's 10 minutes before 12pm! My strat plan class starts at 12. Lol! So I summoned my "the Flash" powers and was on my way by 12.

I thought, hey, my prof's always late anyway, so when I get there, he probably just gotten in. I just hope that he doesn't give a quiz 'coz I haven't read even the title of Chapter 5. Or were we supposed to read Chapter 4?

Anyway, I got there, feeling nauseous and gas-y. I don't get car sick, but this was one of the rare times. Don't know why that is. Maybe I'm not used to moving so fast.

Luckily, I checked the announcements posted on the Com Studio door or else I would've rushed into an entirely different class. I don't need another embarrassing moment.

So, the class is in Com D. The door to Com D was open, but I wasn't hearing any teacher voice. Endless chatter issued from inside. Yes, he wasn't there yet. My Goldpyt buddies were just chatting animatedly. Too bad there wasn't any vacant chairs beside them so I had to confine myself in a chair beside the wall. I miss talking to those guys. Argh. Strat Plan is the only subject we have in common now.

It was almost quarter to 1PM but our prof still wasn't there. This was his all-time latest lateness. Then, our beadle called out, "Hey guys, in 3 minutes, we're gonna walk out of here." Yeah, we were all bored. A very very small part of me (that confirms that I did inherit at least a single nerd gene from my mum) wanted to stay and listen to lecture. Well, we've had about 5 total free cuts already and he's always late. I wanna learn how to strategic plan! And it was my only class for today. I didn't want my trip to school to be a waste.

I skimmed Chapter 4 a bit since I'm a loser and have no one to talk to. The only thing that stuck to me was that "Creative briefs do not need to be creative." That's about it. Then the countdown started.

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...

All at once, everyone got up and speed-walked out of the classroom. Not even the fire alarm nor earthquake alarm could have gotten us to walk that fast. All for the sake of free cut! (I tripped on a protruding metal thing on the ground when I was rushing out. Agh. Joyceekins was all prepared to catch me. What a brave brave girl. I <3 Joyceee! (^_^) )

I spend a total of about 25 minutes in school. Yep. Now I'm just waiting for my brother to get home. I thought he was arriving this morning!

Yet Another Week

Another Monday is over. Well, what happened? Not much, as always.
I actually got up early today. I slept at around 2Am, which usually means that I'd get up at around 11 or 12 noon already. But today, I got up before 7AM. And it's not the groggy sort of wakefulness. I was fully awake and ready to go. Maybe my body finally recognized my desire to be productive this week.

Finally, after almost a week, I finished reading the article about Turkish speakers in Greece for Com Res. Yep. It's no use actually. I didn't get to answer the question. I didn't even understand the freakin' question. It was left hanging, for us to figure out on our own.

So anyway, I got a client to tutor already. Which is great. Ok, not really. The pay is a bit small, but what the heck. It's experience. My only problem is that the place of the kid I'm supposed to teach is far far away. I don't know how to commute, and my salary isn't enough to pay for our car's gas. Agh. I'm gonna give it a try this week though. And then if it gets too expensive, I'd request for another client.

I'm scared that I might not be able to control the kid. I'm not too good with kids. He/She might get scared of me.

Sooo... My brother's coming home from Hong Kong tomorrow. I'm excited! I hope we'd go out for breakfast. I wonder what he brought home for me.

I'm in a blank/boring mood today so please excuse me...

I just wanna say that I'm sooo *in love* with Randy Orton right now. (hence the photo wave lol!) Isn't he beautiful? He actually looks better with clothes on...

I miss DX!!!!

Melting Away...

Wow, so I am seeing a trend here. Music blog!!! Haha.

Anyway, it's been a while since I last turned on my mp3 player. My mom dragged me along when she went to get her dentures fixed. That takes ages so I brought my music with me. So there I was, sitting on a green, beaten down couch, staring at the dentist's plaques. One was even signed by Ferdinand Marcos. I wasn't even born at his time.

I stuck my earphones into my ears and cranked up the volume. It's nice to not hear the world around me sometimes. I have my little alternate reality. I played the newest playlist in it, and found that I really missed the songs there. I was holding back the head-bobbing because there was this dude hanging around the door. I think he's the dentist's assistant or something. So I sat there, trying to look nonchalant, cramming my friends' inboxes with stupid jokes.

Then I heard this:
(wait for about 10 secs. the song starts then)

Tell me, tell me, what makes you think that you are invincible...
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure.
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable...
Impossible...

I don't know why, but I just melted when I heard this song again. I'm not gonna go all sappy and cheesy right now so that's all I'm gonna say. It's just a really lovely song. That chorus part is amazing. I don't know what to say. It's like I'd want someone to say that to me, or me to say that to someone...

Delilah is so Lucky

I've had the song Hey There Delilah by Plain White Tees in my head for days. It has replaced Stolen. Lol. One day I'm gonna make a list of my Top 10 Best LSS Songs. Wait for that some time at the end of the year.

Anyway, Friday was a good day. It started out alright. I was late for Film History yet again. I am really feeling guilty already. And the other thing is that I wasn't able to go watch Control, the movie about Ian Curtis, Joy Division's lead singer. It was the last showing day that day at Gateway Cinema 4. But the showing time was at 12:30pm. I had class at 2:30 so I didn't go. I'm trying to download it now but I can't find a torrent anywhere. I did find one named Control.avi, but I'm not sure what it is. Please please please let it be the right one.

Com Res is as boring as clipped toenails, like always. We had yet another group activity. We were asked to explain something about the reading he assigned, which I haven't read until now. I really have to get to that tomorrow. I have to be productive! So yeah, I just sat there, nodded my head a bit as everyone else discussed. Oh well. I'm just gonna chip in some of my thoughts on Monday. Magpakitang gilas kahit konti.

The excitement began after my proper classes. Celadon CnP Night! Yey! I had to walk from Comm Dept to ISO. To those who don't know what I'm talking about... That is a really long walk. I'm not good with distances but maybe that's around 1km, give or take a few inches...

So I got there expecting everyone to be bustling around putting up decorations and stuff. But nah. Except for the eye mask thingies that we made the week before, we don't have any decors. Kinda sad, but we had the best after-party! Hahaha!

Well, only very few members attended. Not even half! Another sad thing. And only three of them dressed up for the cosplay theme. I know, my costume sucked (I wore my senior softball jersey and told them that I'm dressed as me three years ago). But we had a blast.

I was assigned to do the name tag writing at registration. I made pretty name tags yey! Now my addiction to colored pens is out. It doesn't really jive with my image. Hmm. They played my "theme song" as Retch calls it during registration. Guess what it is.

Guess.

Ok ok. It's the SPIDER PIG SONG!!!

I do love that song. It's so cute. I'm just not sure whether I should be happy that it's supposed to be my theme song or not...

The CnP video was awesome. It was silly. It was hilarious. It was embarrassing. But I love it!!! I suck at acting but who cares?! We were all in it together!!! (Cue the song... Ok, scratch that.) There were a couple of games. The Sagady-Sa-Po-Po thing was alright. This is a biased comment because we lost to another group. Hehe. The "Speed Knowing" (a version of speed dating) thing we did was fun. I think we were given only a minute to talk. And as you now, I'm such a blabber so the minute was up before my partner had to talk lol! So I changed my strategy and just asked the questions. Two of my flockies attended. I'm very lucky to have them because they are active and they reply to my text messages! But Nikka had to go home early. Aw. Too bad she didn't get to see her flockhead make a fool of herself... (Nobody told me my hair was so messed up in the video that I looked electric-shocked. I did love the background music though. Hey! Nothing You can say! Nothing's gonna change what you've done to me... *Kilig!* I <3 style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;" face="trebuchet ms">boyband songs. Everyone just got into the room and sang and danced along with the song. It seriously showed how old we were. Like, so old... Huhuhu! But it was a lot of fun. Super. I kinda missed doing that with my friends. You know, being crazy and corny. I wish somebody had videotaped that so we can all laugh at it later.... But I guess no one brought a video camera.

As a result, I downloaded F4 songs and was listening to them since last night. Yeah, I know, it's embarrassing. But I missed those songs. It's weird really. My mom's even laughing at me. She says that I'm already really old because I'm already reminiscing at this age. (I was looking through high school photos the other day.)

Well... I miss those days. I'm beginning to get scared whenever I think about "what's next" because what's next is senior year. And then after that, it's work... And it'll go on forever... I just don't know how life would be.

Oh well. Don't wanna think about that now.

What I'm Looking For

I am looking for the wrong person, but not just any wrong person.
I'm looking for the right wrong person.
Someone I would lovingly gaze upon and think,
this is the problem I would like to have...

The title of this post is actually the title of a song by Brendan Benson. It's a really fun song actually. It's about not knowing what one wants. Not really knowing what this life's about, and where one is going. But life goes on so one has to just go along with it. Maybe eventually we'll find what we're looking for.

Here's the lyrics if anybody's interested.

Well, the quote above is just one of those quotes... You know, one that was like it came from me. But come to think of it, no, I do not want another problem. Because how can you love freely if you know that the person you're supposed to be loving isn't the right one? Well, I guess I get the point of this quote. I mean, how do you really know if someone's "the right one"? You just go out there and get into it. If he's the wrong one, then who cares? At that moment, you're in love, and nothing matters more.

But I don't know. I don't want another problem, that's all.

Age Old Question

If you're in love but afraid to tell the person for some reason,
just think about this:

one moment of embarrassment?

or

a lifetime of regret?

Whoever made this question is either really really confident or is really really lucky. Or is just naive.

Liking someone from afar is just infatuation. One can't fall in love by just second-hand information about another. One has to experience the person, know him well, and vice versa. Know his irritating habits and his endearing quirks and love him because of everything he is. Then steadily, that person grows into perfection in your eyes. He makes your heart leap the instance you see him, but at the same time you are comfortable around him. Falling into friendship is inevitable. At some point, a couple will be friends. But we're not talking about couples.

We're talking about one-sided love.

When you're in love with someone and you don't know if that person feels the same way, or even just like likes you, it's scary. You maintain your position on the safe grounds-->friendship. Be his friend. Be there for him. Hope that some time soon he'd notice you.

How do you know if he already likes you?

I don't know either. Maybe he's just a naturally sweet guy. Maybe he treats everyone the same way. You should know that if you know the person. If you're his friend, you'd know what he likes, and who he likes. I know it's hard. This is the bitter part of friendship. And there is a great chance you'd be stuck in this place forever. If you really love the person, it doesn't matter because having him in your life is enough for you to be happy. You wish him to be happy, even if his happiness lies not with you.

So, the question.

For me, it's not the lifetime of regret that I fear. It's not the momentary embarrassment either. It's the awkwardness that may follow that scares me. It's not like you can just go, "Hey, I love you. Oh. I'm just a friend to you. Forget this happened then! Let's go back to the way we were before."

Unless you have a huge inkling that the person loves you back, don't do this. Especially if you'd like to keep the person as a friend. Or unless you're leaving for another country and not coming back for a long time. Because believe me, I've seen proof of this, and it's not pretty. Sure, he might say that yeah, we're still the way we were. But nobody can erase that moment. When he looks at you he'd be thinking, "Oh my gosh. Is this person still in love with me? I hope I'm not giving off signals that I like her too because I don't."

This is just my opinion though. Go ahead and embarrass yourself if you want.

As for me, I'm going for the going-abroad-and-not-coming-back-for-a-decade approach. Maybe by then he'd have forgotten about it. Or maybe he'd have time to miss me or something. But that's just hoping. We'll never be anyway.

Raining! Raining!

Kagagaling ko lang sa school. Lech. Com Res lang pasok ko ngayon. Nakakatamad pa pumasok kasi ulan nang ulan. Hindi naman sobrang lakas at pahinto-hinto rin pero hindi matatakasan ang baha. Kung taga Pinas ka malamang alam mo yun. Kahit ambon, baha na.

So paggising ko kaninang umaga at nakita kong mga YM status message ng mga DLSU people ay variety ng "walang pasok!", ang saya ko na! Ilang beses na rin pumasok ang kuya ko dito sa kwarto, nagtatanong kung wala ba kaming pasok. Eh each time na tanungin niya yun, tinitingnan ko cellphone ko. Wala talagang nagtetext. May pasok.

Ayun. Pagdating ko sa school, nag mud bath nanaman itong paa ko. Tapos dumating na mga kablock ko nagerereklamo na basa na raw mga mediyas nila. Squish squish na ang tunog pag maglakad sila. Si Diwa nagpiga pa ng mediyas sa CR. Tapos may babaeng lumabas, sabi nagdeclare na daw ng suspension of classes ang Malacañang. At iyon ang masusunod above all other announcements. Aysus! Eh wala namang sinabi ang school! Tapos lumabas ang prof namin. Sabi oo nga, dapat suspended na ang klase. Pero since andun na raw naman kami, ituloy nalang. Alanghiya! Eh meron pa namang graded recitation at hindi ko pa nababasa ang pinapabasa! Buti nalang hindi ako natawag kundi tinungangaan ko lang siya.

Oh well. At least nasa bahay na ako ngayon at masaya kasi malamig yey! Pwede akong magsuot ng long sleeves bukas, kung ganito pa ang weather. Sana naman. Ang lamig lang ang silver lining sa araw na ito.