So... What's Up People?

I don't really have anything substantial to say right now. Just thought that I'd pass the time while I wait for the really slow downloading of the first season 3 Supernatural episode. And Smallville 7's second. Yikee! I'm happy. I have a life again. Well, for me that's a life, downloading and watching tv shows. I'm kind of the tv show provider in school. I had this "download all I can" phase a year ago, and that went on for months and months... I think it's still going on. It's just that I've ran out of tv shows to download. But more importantly, I've ran out of disk space. So after finals week, I'm gonna archive all the movies and tv shows into dvds so I can download more crap off the net. Yey!

I'm feeling kind of shitty right now. Last night, this was just an itch in my throat. This morning it was a pretty uncomfortable itch coupled with dryness and coughing. During my abysmal tutoring session, it became a fever. Slight fever, but still, a fever, and only a few days before finals week.

It's my usual tonsillitis. Maybe I should've gotten these yanked out when I was younger so it wouldn't keep on bothering me. I don't know. I guess I'm kind of attached to them. Sometimes being sick (not lethally though) is nice because everyone acts so concerned and I get to just stay in the room with my aircon on and watch tv. I like the hugs too. Yeah yeah, I'm a baby. I like it. I mean, being in a hellhole for months and months trying to be Magis or be close to being it, really takes a lot outta someone. My grades are sucky (goodbye DL) and I have the stubbornest laziest kid with the shortest attention span as a tutee. Ok, I gotta give her credits though. She managed to pass her second mastery test (like a long test for kindergarten). Her first score was 13/20. That was before I was tutoring her. The second was when I was already tutoring her. She scored 24/30. Yey for her! And yey for me too for actually getting something into and imprinting it on her brain!

She's got another mastery test on Monday. And it took her 2 whole hours to write 61-100 in Chinese numbers. Seriously. I'm proud of myself for finally learning how to be patient because I was having a headache already and the High School Musical 2 soundtrack was playing in the room and she was asking me if her molars looked like pasta when I specifically asked her to sit down and write 61-100 in Chinese...and I didn't snap. Inside my head, I was screaming, but I managed to keep it controlled. Yeah. Yey for that.


Download status: Smallville 7x02--> 81%, 35 mins remaining. Supernatural 3x01-->66% 1 hr 21 mins remaining.

ANG TAGAL PA GUSTO KO NA PANOORIN!!!!!!!!

I wanna be in my room under my covers watching Sam and Dean battle demons... I missed them. It's a miracle I got through 5 months without them. I had to live on reruns!

I'm thinking about the stuff I'm gonna do this sembreak. Of course, a big chunk of sembreak time would be for sleeping. But what else? Oh yeah, I wanna finish my unfinishable unread books. I'm running out of space in my read books cabinet, but I managed to find another place to stash the others. I'm gonna name it my "more already read books cabinet". Yeah I know it sucks. Please don't pick on someone with a scrambled brain who's in dire need of an antibiotics. And a glass of milk. I want a glass of milk, and maybe a banana. I'm not hungry... But I just want some.

It's my dad's birthday today, and that's actually one of the reason why I came close to trashing my tutee's playroom. I planned on getting home early, maybe at around 7:30 so I could spend time with my dad, you know, doing our usual bonding, that is, sitting quietly in front of the television watching half-naked men fake-ly wrestle each other. Yep. That's how we bond. No wonder I turned out like this. Anyhow, there's still a chance to grow. (I don't make sense, do I?)

More High School Musical songs came and went, and even more annoying dancing while not doing the 61-100 Chinese numbers I asked for her to write. The early getaway didn't happen.

I wonder if my parents are still awake? I wanna hang out in their room. That would be weird for most people my age, because I think 20 year olds still have teenage-hood hangover, you know, the angst phase...whatever. I like hanging out with my parents from time to time. I don't know, it kind of makes me feel more at home. It's like when school is just so crazy and I'm pressuring myself to be all magis and stuff... When I hang out with them, I feel like home. Like yeah, the problems and papers are still there, but they're outside of me at that moment. Right then, I'm just shobe (little sister, for those who think that's alien speak). I have an excuse to be fussed over and be lectured (not in a terrifying way, more like to be shared wisdom to) and really say out loud that I'm scared.

I am. I'm scared. And confused. Right now, I really am. Maybe it's just the loneliness speaking (I've been single for 20 years...when will I get used to that? when will I accept the fact that I'd be like this forever and just move on?), but I don't know. Maybe it's something else. It's normal, isn't it? To be confused at my age? I mean, I was just thinking the other day, "Shemay, I only have a year and a half to go... Today I'm only looking back at high school, but pretty soon I'd be looking back at college..."

That thought really scared me.

I don't feel like I'm old enough to be looking back at college. I mean, I still feel the same way I did when I was in high school. I'm still a bit crazy, a bit immature, but I think I've gained a little wisdom. Just a little, not even enough to merit a wisdom tooth, although I already have two. And they're making my front teeth uneven, but not noticeable enough that I have to get braces. Anyways, I'm just really unsure about my capabilities. Like in March, I'd have to go and be an intern in a real company. I'd have to talk to people. Business people! I can't even talk to just people, let alone business people! Will I have to wear heels? I trip while wearing slippers, what more heels?! I can type properly in English, but who says that I can speak like this?!

I CAN'T!!!

I'm gonna die... Really. It's just a scary scary thing, growing up. I took the job as a tutor to teach myself about responsibility (of course, the extra cash helps), but I don't think that's even close enough to compare with what I'm gonna experience out there.... in the real sharky world. Right now, I can rely on my friends to tell me what to do (because I seldom listen in class, or when I listen, I seldom get what the teacher is saying). But what if I'm out there? Who's gonna go through the steps with me? Who's gonna help me with what to do next? Because I get lost right away. I'm not dumb, just a little stupid, that's all. I don't even understand the whole SPSS encoding procedure!!!

There'll be no more group works... Well, yeah, I think there will be. But still, it's not the same. And I'm so worried about my qualifications. Am I good enough? Will my grades be good enough? Do I physically look good enough? (this is the hard part)

This post may be insecurity galore, but I'm sure that someone else out there is feeling the same way. If you're that one soul, please message me. Let's be miserable together. Misery always loves company.

Update on downloads:
Smallville 7x02 ---> 100%! yey!
Supernatural 3x01 ---> 80%, 40 mins to go. come on already! I've already ran out of emo things to say!!!