The Dream Prom

"I just wanted to be Cinderella, just for one night. One night when a guy would look at me under those corny crepe paper streamers and say, 'You look so beautiful." And then he'd grab my hand and ask me to dance." ~Mercedes, Glee 2x20

I know that Glee is supposed to be a teen drama/musical show. I know that story-wise, it's all over the place. But it has those little moments that speak to me and keep me watching.

I know I haven't been a teen in a long time, but I still want Mercedes' dream prom. And she got it. I'm still waiting for mine.

A short background: 


In my high school, you're not allowed to bring your own date during your Junior-Senior prom. Teachers are gonna make each section line up, and you will be paired according to height with your counterpart in the higher/lower batch. (Ex. If you're the tallest girl in 3rd year Section A, your partner will be the tallest boy in 4th year Section A) 


Some people ("special" students a.k.a. favorites or those who are really really smart) can request for their partners. Sadly, I'm not one of those. So when I was a junior, I got stuck with an asshole for a date. Luckily I shared him with another girl (there was a shortage of guys in our school) so that made it better a little. Then when I was a senior, I ended up being partnered with a guy who's half a foot shorter than me. Seriously, there are a LOT of tall guys in their batch. I don't know which one of us were getting punished. I wouldn't want to think that being paired with me was some sort of punishment. I also wouldn't want to think I was getting punished for something by being paired with him because I was a good student back then.

That was my prom experience. It pretty much sucked. It would have been abysmal if it weren't for my friends being there.

Now, six long years later, I'm still waiting for that dream prom. I guess that's why I'm so attached to movies or shows with dance scenes. I want my sweet slow dance with someone who actually wants to dance with me and not just someone following protocol.

I FUCKING MISS HIGH SCHOOL

[07:13] deutzy_gurl13: hi henny!
[07:36] fudtripers: hey steph
[07:37] deutzy_gurl13: happy lunch! sorry storbo, i'm at work, really bored.
[07:38] fudtripers: you're working already???
[07:38] fudtripers: times have really passed!
[07:38] fudtripers: sa biz niyo?
[07:38] deutzy_gurl13: haha hindi pa, practicum pa lang. ayoko pa magwork noh hehe.
[07:38] deutzy_gurl13: dont worry di ka pa ganun katanda!
[07:39] fudtripers: hahaha
[07:41] deutzy_gurl13: sige nanga, magpepretend na akong nagtatrabaho. baka bigla bumali boss ko. hehe. c u soon sana!
[07:41] fudtripers: sure! inom tayo. hehehe
[07:42] fudtripers: take care

As usual, I'm really bored right now. I'm only waiting for my boss to come back so we could meet to discuss plans for Mothers' Day and stuff. I already called up Philippine Daily Inquirer like she asked me to, but they scheduled to meet with me on Friday to discuss details of their offer. Which is weird, because I just want to ask a few things about it. I guess the dude who handles that is super-kaduper busy. I'm not really sure if they're just gonna call on Friday or they're gonna go here, in person, which is really frightening because first of all, I'm already scared when I was asked to call them. I have low self-esteem like that. And for me to meet with them in person?! I mean, the questions that I prepared to ask weren't really difficult to answer. Yikes. What have I gotten myself into?

Anyway, so while my boss went back home to I don't know, have lunch and take a nap maybe, I'm taking the time to go online, check my mail, and maybe chat with a few people. And of course blog. So as usual, nobody's online this time of day. They're probably out having a fun vacation, bumming around, or like me, stuck at work in the middle of a glorious summer. The last one I'm gonna have, I might add, before I have to work for real, with pay and all.

So I found a couple of friends online, and also my high school softball coach. He's an awesome coach, and now he's also a daddy! Well, he has been for a few years now. But when he started coaching us he was single. Oh what time has done.

I've been kind of thinking about high school for a couple of days now, whenever I'm upstairs in the function room trying not to be bored. One thing I really miss about high school is softball. I like the game, but what I really miss about it was the camaraderie. The softball team was like a second family to me. We had fun every practice. Lots of memories were formed. Even though those Sunday practices resulted to my uneven skintone, I don't care, because I got a hell of a fun time every time we set out to that field. And the medals were cool too. It's just that, the team's chemistry was perfect. We were all crazy, even our coach. Which is proven by his "inom tayo" comment. Haha! He has been inviting us to go out for drinks for a long time now, but we never got the chance to. Hopefully this year it'll push through. Hmm. Maybe I should plan it.

Being in this job makes me feel really grown up, you know? Evcen though I'm not being paid and I know that I'd be out of this in a few days, I really got the taste of working for someone. It's scary because if I screw up, it's my life that's on the line. That's why I miss being in high school. One thing is that I was a teen back then, which kind of gives me the excuse to screw up. I can do whatever, not study, and still get decent grades. It's just easier that time. I can also remember being angsty and complaining how difficult everything was. I mean, yeah, Chinese subjects were a pain in the ass but besides that, I got to hang out with my friends almost every single day of the week. Now I'm lucky if I get to see them once a month.

Sigh. I'm actually working on my 100 things I miss most about high school. I'll post it soon. My boss is back and my ass will be fired if she catches me blogging during work! Or will she even care? Because I was completely staring into space awhile ago while she's beside me and she didn't even care. Whek. Whatever.

Happy Birthday Bloggie!

My blog is two years old!

Oh my gosh... I never realized. It just dawned on me how long it has been. Two years... Two years ago, I was a senior in high school. I was 17. I was eager and reluctant to graduate. I dreaded and looked forward to college.

Two years...High school seemed so long ago, and yet two years seem like a pretty short time. A two-year-old building can be considered brand new. A two-year-old company isn't stable yet. But two years of memories can fill up books.

I miss high school. I love it that I have good memories of high school 'coz I can't imagine what it would be like with nothing to look back to... I mean, sure, college has more freedom, but there's just too little time to hang out. We all have different schedules, and there's seriously so much work to do. It's more serious. Hay.

Anyway, as I said, so much work to do. I have four weeks of school left 'til summer vacation and I must say, my grades are far from ideal, as in far from passing. So this reminiscing stops here.

HAPPY 2ND B-DAY FLUFFY!!!

Looking Back On 2006

As I sit here on my bed cursing our administration for making us go back too soon, I chanced upon WWE Bottomline on JackTV which was reviewing the big events of last year.

The host (sorry, forgot his name) then went back to last year's New Year's Revolution, the one with the elimination chambers. The one where I first saw John Cena.

Yes, it was love at first sight of his bloody, bloody face.

As I've probably said in my previous posts, I've stopped watching wrestling for years... The last guys I remember being at the top of WWE (which I remembered was WWF still...so that was sooo long ago) were Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock. That was back, when, 1999? 2000? Somewhere there.

Okay, enough of that history.

So there, as I watched Cena get the Master Lock and flail aroung lifelessly, I remembered the day when my love for WWE came back. I got curious again, of course, a big factor was because RAW was scheduled to come here that February. I held back from buying a ticket 'coz I already got BSB tix which cost me a fortune. But after a few more weeks of watching, I got hooked. So on the day of the second show (my bro went to the first one and told me all about how great it is), I didn't let the coup s' etat stop me from stalking to Araneta Coliseum and by a standing only ticket and watch by myself.

I'm glad I did. And I never stopped since.

Then DX got back together which was tremendous 'coz they're so f*cking crazy/cool. I missed them. Batista got back and got the Championship back. Smackdown came. The Hardy Boyz got back together (I love Jeff Hardy!). It was an amazing year for WWE. Oh, and they acquired ECW.

Seeing last year's New Year's Revolution's main event, the one that pulled me back to the WWE bandwagon, it just...made it sink in. The fact that that was a whole year ago.

That was a whole year ago.

And right now, I'm waiting for this year's New Year's Revolution to be shown.

What happened?

What happened last year? Has anything changed? Cena's still Champ. Batista is also. I'm still fat and ugly and boyfriendless and broke and Ipodless. But I'm also a year older, a year closer to graduating.

What will this new year bring?

I don't know. I haven't made any new year resolutions. I don't wanna bother anymore ;coz I always fail to keep them. I'm still wishing for a little more excitement. Something nice and surprising to happen. But maybe it's the little things that count, right? So...what were the little things?

I'm just thankful that I'm still alive, I still have my friends and family and we're still all well.

Still, I can't help but feel there's something missing. D'you know that feeling? Sometimes I get guilty for feeling that. I mean, it feels so selfish of me, wanting somehting more when I'm better off than about half of the population if this country. Why isn't this enough for me? It ought to be. I'm very blessed. I am thankful. But why is there still something that I look for?

Sigh.

I'll let you know if I've found it.

Where had Snail Mail Gone?

I went over my friend's place awhile ago because it's her birthday and we (me and my other friends) kind of surprised her, although she wasn't that surprised because I kind of gave it away. My lying power was down to low when I told her that I had this big project coming up that required her photoshop skills. Nonetheless, we had great fun. It has been a long time since we last saw each other...About a month, I guess. That is a long time for people who used to spend ten hours with each other every single day. I missed them. I miss those days.

As usual, we went up to her room to hang out. We were like nine-year-olds, sorting through jewelry and putting on nail polish. All we needed was a tea set and we'd have a kiddie tea party. Haha! We were deprived as kids. Tsk. Anyway, we stumbled upon her stash of letters in this big circular box (sort of like a hat box). These were letters from us and all our other friends, some dating back to eight years ago. Eight years! That's how long we've been together. I can't even remember how I lived before I met them. Less crazy, I guess. :)

Anyway, when we were around twelve, life took a turn to Dramaland. With that, we also had an abundant supply of stationeries, colored pens, and stuff to talk about. We all saw each other at school everyday, and yet we write each other - EVERY SINGLE DAY. It was only that year that we did that religiously. It's as if we don't talk to each other, but we do. A LOT! We even get scolded by teachers for talking too much. Still, we had enough to say to fill a couple of pages of stationery. It's weird yet amazing. We sorted through the pile and picked out random letters and read it. We especially picked out letters from a certain person because: a.) we're not really friends with that person anymore b.) her letters really are full of drama, kind of like script for The OC.

At the time most of those letters were written, yes, we were all friends, but we kind of hung out in different groups. So that certain person I'm talking about was part of my friend's group at that time (I'm in a different group, but I was still friends with my birthday celebrant friend because we've already been besties for a year at that time...still with me so far?). So initially, a year before, we were this group that I'll call Group A so it won't be confusing. There were three of us here, three girls. And a couple of boys. So okay, five of us. A year later, and I couldn't believe a summer would make that much difference, the five of us got split into several groups. The boys started to hang out with boys, so that'll be Group B. My one friend hung out with girls from her section, so that's Group C, and my other friend hung out with this other group of girls, so that's Group D. I was kind of...left alone. (Yes, as I said, Dramaland!) So anyway, I kind of just floated around then. Yeah, it was sad, but I kind of got thrown in the middle of all the groups. Now, Group B doesn't have that much drama. They're just boys acting as boys. Whatever. Group C, however, was a bit...well, okay. I'll explain.

We were divided in sections. Your classmates (or section-mates, if you will) are the people you're with for the whole day. We don't change classrooms. We stay put in one classroom, a.k.a. our section, and we sort of make that our home. The teachers are the ones who go around from section to section. After breaks, we go back to our section. So there's not much chaos looking for which room you're in for the next subject. It's just that one section. You'll be stuck for the whole day with the same people for a year. Seatmates can differ every quarter or so. Sections get shuffled every year, but sometimes you end up with the same people. So there, I've established the section.

So in Group A, the four of us were in a section, and the other was in a different section. So we only got to be together during breaks and dismissal. And of course, phone all night. The year after, that is, the drama year, this other friend of ours said that she wanted to hang out with the people in her section (the sections didn't get shuffled that schoolyear, which was odd, so we still ended up with the same people, which wasn't all bad). I think she said that she wanted to give the people in her section a chance because she's been hanging out with us all the time that she doesn't have real friends in her section, which is not that good, as they were the people she spend ten hours of her time with every day. So there. She left.

The boys of Group A, duh, became boys, and hung out with Group B. That's inevitable. My other girl friend in Group A hung out with other girls, who are in the same section as us so they became Group D. Whatever whatever, I was blissfully (?) ignorant at this time of the former Group A members at this time. I was floating around with no specific group. I was making other friends though. Same section still. Whatever happened, I'm not that sure, but Group D had some kind of meltdown. Backstabbing galore, you see. And it's all because of this certain person I'm talking about. (I thank God that she doesn't blog so she prolly won't read this).

So here's where the letters come in. Through all of the group changes, we consistently wrote letters to each other. Most of them just, you know, stuff about boybands and crushes, the usual pre-teen things. I don't know where we got all those ideas from. I guess because we're in different groups already that's why we just write each other because we don't get tohang out a lot anymore. But I had this close friend at that time (wasn't part of Group A) and we chatted on the phone all the time but still we wrote kilometric letters to each other. Ha. Inspiration to read those letters just struck me.

So yeah, blah blah blah, the backstabbing began. And they were all in the letters. If two pages is impossibly long for me to write, then this certain person was superwriter. She wrote like, five pages a letter to my friend in Group C. That certain person was part of Group C. At first they looked like the popular group because all of them were pretty girls. Then, I don't know what happened. The longer the letters became, the deeper the backstabbing occurred. My friend admitted to us awhile ago that she didn't even bother to read the thick letters that certain person wrote to her. What she didn't know was that that person was already angry with her in those letters. It was funny, really, when we read her letters awhile ago. Fine, letters are private, but this one was like, seven years old, and that friendship was already severed. And everything in those letters were just twisted truths. That certain person raelly knew how to twist one's word. I say, she's a master. At twelve, she could do that kind of damage to someone's reputation, someone she called her friend and whose letters she even put BFF on. If you ask me now, I think she's the nuclear bomb of all truth twisters and backstabbers.

So after all that twisted history and exposure of my life, I just want to focus on the letters. I love to write (hence the blog), and I really miss the excitement of recieving letters in the morning, and reading them, and replying right away using pretty stationery and colored pens. From time to time, I go out of my way to snail mail some letters to my friends as a simple surprise. The effort is obvious, unlike sending a text message or an IM or an email. They're more special and more sincere, and they never fail to bring a smile to someone's face.

I Missed the Full Moon

Last night, the moon was bright and full in the evening sky...so as my brother said. I missed it. I didn't get to go out. I just slept through the whole day and tweaked my blog. (See the flickr flash over there?)

I love full moons. They're so romantic and halloween-y. I love just staring at it.

It is poetic on its own. It's so melancholic against the darkness of the night sky. It's as if it's so alone...

The stars are there to shine with it at night, but they're so far away, and they're not exactly the same. Some people may think it useless to have a moon. One, it doesn't have its own light (it just borrows from the sun, which is a star). Two, it doesn't provide heat or moon-energy or whatever.

Still, it is most humble. Though it needs to admit subordination and borrow from the sun, it does, just to give us light when everything is dark, when the sun can't and all the other stars are too far away to give.

Once a month-yes, only once-it gets to dominate the sky in all its glory. And those days, I love. It's weird, actually. On those days, I tend to wonder. About things...About life...what's going on, what's going to happen, what I want and if I'm ever gonna get to them. My imagination runs amuck. I start to visualize what might be, what I wish might be.

And then all things just...falls away. I get really sad...I think of him and get really sad... I think of why my life's going this way...why I'm loveless...

Most of the time, it's just general sadness that settles in. I can't explain it. It just does.

On rare occasions, I get hopeful. Like when Halloween or Christmas approaches. The full moon brings me endless possibilities. Yes, the imagination is there, but this time, on an optimistic note. I get the feeling that yes, it might be possible, it could really happen, I can make it to. I think this is the more dangerous one because I soar high with all idealism...and I'd crash hard. No, a white Christmas isn't possible over here afterall. I won't be spending it with my special someone, because I'm not special to that someone, or any other someones. I will grow up to be another Bridget Jones without the Mark Darcy part, singing "All by Myself" over and over during holidays, watch sappy movies, climb on the weighing scale while munching on a donut, and hate myself for being fat, then rant about it in my private diary, and probably on this blog, if it's still working.

However, all this negativity sums up to a hopeful thought. Wherever I am, whatever might be, there will always be the lone moon, revolving around the earth, bringing light, maybe love, and it will be that same moon that'll hover over us. It'll be that same moon we'll look at and ponder on.

One year and nine days ago...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was released.

It was a Saturday, and I was at home in all giddiness, waiting for the delivery of my copy. I regretted having it delivered because it took the delivery guy until 1 PM and I missed all the joys of the release party. Still, when I got the book, I ran stright to my room and spent two days lying on my bed with my nose buried in HBP.

Well...what's with all this reminiscing? Nothing. I just want to announce that HBP's paperback version has been released weeks ago here in the Philippines. It's around 400 pesos so go buy now!!!

OotP the movie, as Mugglenet said, would be released next year on July 15th. Can't wait!!!

Kitty on the Wall

I'm watching Dexter's Lab now, and I can't think of anything to write. Haha! So that's a cue for all you guys who don't want to read gibberish to click to another page, preferrably :+:sUpErHeRo-sLaCkEr:+: ! (Over-plugging ba? Hahaha!)

Well, Dexter's got a black kitty wallclock, so that's where the title came from. :)

Anyway, today was just so-so. Fil class was okay. P.E., as surprising it is to me as to you, is the highlight of my T-TH. I love basketball! I have loads of fun playing and getting a workout at the same time. Of course, softball is still tops in my heart. :)

Math sucked, as usual, because I suck in math. Permutation sucks. I'm just always brain-dead during math class. I flunked another quiz for chrissake! Good thing thing that our prof is a very nice guy.

The Powerpuff girls are so... ROUND...

Anyway, while I was at the library (yet again) trying to decipher the alien language that is my Math book, I got tired. So I got my diary instead and started writing...well, stuff. Haha! I was planning to steal a quick doze before P.E., so I placed the period and closed the diary. When I looked up---there he was! Yep, it's Yael again, walking by my table. That's twice already! Hmm. I think I see a pattern of his schedule...

Time for stalking?

He walks funny. Well, judging from his stage image, he looks tough and you know, punky-rocky sort of guy, you know, rigid. Tough. But when I saw him walk away awhile ago, he's got this kembot when he walks... Hip swinging of a rocker? But I still love Spongecola!!! Astig pa rin si Yael!

So... that's it for my worthless day. I kind of am in the blogging phase this week so sorry for useless posts!

Part 4 of the story will be up tonight!

Cottage Cheese and Crackers

I'm beginning to get fond of eating crackers with cottage cheese. They're actually a yummy combination! Of course, cottage cheese is a low-fat sort of cheese and has less flavor than say, cheddar, but combine it with a trusty Skyflakes cracker, and it's heaven! And healthy too!

So anyway, it's February once again. Prom time. Well, for high school juniors and seniors anyway. I miss going to the prom. Ok, so it's not like an all-out party or anything, what do you expect from Saint Jude VERY Catholic School? Although I bet this year's prom will be kick-ass, 'coz everything just got better at dear old SJ when we got out. The school got more active in extracurriculars, sort of like XS and ICA.

And they've got that brand new building which we alumni will never get to enjoy.

Anyway, yesterday was a bangin' way to end January. A compliment and four pounds off, and I was in heaven. Of course, the highlight of the day was seeing Yael Yuzon of Spongecola in our library! I've been looking for him for ages, almost tripping on the sidewalk because of constantly searching the benches for any sign of him.

At long last, I saw him. I was at the ground floor of the library with my blockmates. We just came from Filipino class and was on break, and we're supposed to study or something. I was supposed to do research. But I'm scared of our library. But anyway. So I just put down my bag when I turned towards the stairs...and there. I saw someone going up who looked so familiar... and it was him! I wanted to SCREAM! But hello, library! The librarian's got a poker up her arse, so it's best to be quiet. I tried whispering it to my blockie, but she couldn't understand me. So I just excused myself and ran upstairs.

I thought I'd lost him and was about to go to the 3rd floor when I spotted him over at the side checking out the online book catalogue. I wanted to get beside him, you know, kind of check the online catalogue too, as I was supposed to be searching for material for our reporting, but I was panicky and crazy, so I went to this HUGE dictionary beside the computers and sifted through the pages, pretending to look for a word while sneaking glances at him.

I am so PATHETIC.

But at least I got to see him, right? So my mission in Admu is over. Where should I transfer and stalk some celebs next? :)

Ok, I'm getting brain-dead. It's the middle of the afternoon and it's nappy time for me.

Part 3 of the story will be up by tonight, comments appreciated. :)

I'm sorry if it's sucky.

Better Days

Yep, there's always the r a i n b o w after the rain.

From being totally down on the dirt from the last post, I'm actually quite happy today! I hope it goes on throughout the day though.

But anyway, why am I happy? First of all...HP GoF is 6 days away!!! And I've got reservations! Not premiers though, but heck, it's still on the 16th so it'll still be the opening day. If only I could cut classes.

What really made me happy was... Yesterday, during enrollment, I ran into G. Javs in the line to the cashier. He was going to DLSU after, to be with the guys during U-break. I thought I had doctor's appointment, so I said I'll just drop by with him for a quick chat. And so after rushing to the ID validation, we traversed the long long distance from Katips to Taft. Around 1:17pm, G and I got off the car and precariously crossed the busy street of Taft to Munch Gulp, where my long-time-no-see friends were hanging out.

Ah, it was like heaven seeing them for the first time in months. Yep, that's right. MONTHS. Before, we're already withered with grief when we don't see each other for a few days or weeks. Now, yeah, months. I hope it doesn't turn to years! So there, shrill sounds of excitement escaped from us when we got together. We hugged, chatted and of course, took pics! There were a lot of things to catch up on, but we didn't get to because others had to leave early for class and stuff. So we went forth to what's-it's-name, a "hang out place" for them during extended break times. We got beer! Yeah! At 2pm! G and I even forgot that we haven't eaten anything yet and we had beer. Well, a couple of sips only. No harm done!

The most fun part was when we did karaoke!!! Singing along to beautiful songs with bad musical arrangements is so much fun. First of all, nobody cares if you suck because it's too noisy to point out which one was doing the song justice and which one was like fingernails on a chalkboard. I had loads of fun! In my school, when I had 2-hour breaks, I slept in the library. There's nothing to do on campus except rot infront of a computer. Off campus, well, that's another world. It's like, miles away. We need to ride a trike to get to McDo or Jabbee. If you walk, it's like having your week's workout needs done in a day.

So I say, it's more fun in Taft. The people who matter are there. Yeah I know that it's also good to make new friends. I mean, I do have new friends now, and it's nice. But for me, knowing a lot of people have its perks, like for connection and popularity purposes. But who needs a lot of people that will only be mere faces afterwards, when you have the handful of people that can be your everything for a whole lifetime?

Dawn

It's almost dawn, and I'm still awake. Yeah, I've got some sort of sleeping problem.

I used to really like staying up 'til the wee hours of the day, just like now. There's nothing to watch on tv, but nothing stops me from watching anyway. I like it because in these hours, there's total silence. There are no cars driving by the street below. There are no people passing by noisily. Everybody in the house is asleep. I feel like I've got the world to myself. It feels great. There's no one to disturb me. It's just me and the tv, or me and my journal. I love writing on my journal during this time of day. It's like, I can meditate better on my life's happenings. It's so peaceful, so tranquil. And there's like a different side of me that comes out, one that is more meditative, one that is more reflective.

Five months ago, everything changed. I just want to spend all my time sleeping now. People say that I already have a sleep disorder. Trust me, I don't. I just like to sleep a lot. Sleep helps me escape from this world. If it brings me to fairy tale land or nightmare kingdom, I don't care, as long as it's somewhere else.

It was fun having a month of bumming. And now that month is almost over, I wonder where it has gone. I can't believe that a month has already passed by, yet nothing has happened, nothing has changed. A month is a long time, yet everything's the same. I'm still fat, I still am here, and I'm still missing high school. And I have no story whatsoever yet. So much for Nanowrimo.

Is time getting faster? Are the days getting shorter as the years go by? Is it just me, or do you feel it too? I mean, I had a month's break, and it felt like I just closed by eyes for a minute, and I wake up and a month's gone by already. I had a to do list for this break, and I don't think I accomplished even a single task. Why is a month so quick? Days were longer when I was younger. Was it because I was not yet aware of the time? I had so much time back then. Now I just want to stop time, just pause everything, and look around. See where my life is going. What everything means. What all these are for.

There's always the future that I worry about.

It's so hard to keep up with things, especially with people. I came from a very secluded school, and now I'm thrown into this huge hole where everyone is so...different. I've come across vocal people back in SJ, but now, vocal takes on a whole new meaning. I loved working with people back then. I admit, I'm a very lazy person, but I liked staying after school. It's like extra time for me to chat with friends, hang out, do some pranks, have a laugh, and actually accomplish something. I admit I want to get back home right after school back then, but today, I don't even want to leave the house. I look forward to going home. And when I'm home, I only think about the time that I'll be home the next day.

Don't worry, college is different for everybody. I see some of my batchmates are actually having the time of their lives, like they finally found home. Well, it's just them. I'm a quiet person. I do get chatty, but I'm a thoroughly quiet person. I value very much my alone time. I'm not a party person, and I'm terrified of public speaking. I'm not very opinionated, and I tend to just blend with the background. I don't really like being in the limelight. I just want to get through without being noticed. But someday, I also want to be famous. I mean, celebrities have it easy for them. Yeah, I know they say it's hard, blah, because they don't have privacy and blah, but they have it easy for them. First of all, they've got truckloads of cash. If they grow fat, they can just go have liposuction. If they get tired of the world, they could just hop on a plane to Tahiti or somewhere to relax. They don't have to save months and months of allowance just to have enough money to buy Christmas gifts. They don't have to worry about what's going to happen in their lives. I mean, if they get tired of acting, they can just sing (even if they can't) and vice versa. Or maybe have their own perfumes or clothing lines or record companies. They can just hang out. No need to study. Yeah, stars do study too, but they don't exactly need to finish anything. Take the Olsen twins for example. They have their own firm, or company, or whatever. And they had that when? When they were 15 or 16? I'm 18 and I do not have a penny to my name.

When I was younger, I always wondered what it was like being 18. It must be so cool, I thought. I can drive, I can drink. It's the legal age! I can even get married if I wanted to. I've always thought of 18 as the ultimate age. It's like, the year when my life changes, where something big will happen to me, like in the movies or something. In movies like Chasing Liberty, American Pie, etc, the characters turned 18 and they started doing all these stuff, like escaping to a foreign country or go on a vacation somewhere cool with no parent supervision. They party. And eventually end up with the cute guy. And have lots of fun. I've been 18 for almost 4 months and yet nothing remotely close to that has happened to me.

There's gotta be something out there.

I can't wait to get out of here. I wanna go someplace else. And yet, I wanna stay home forever. Isn't that weird? I wanna be in another country, but I want to just stay here in my room as well. Oh my twisted twisted mind.

And so the time has come for the cars to start clambering around the street below. The peace has gone. Hay. That's why I don't like not being able to sleep during this time of day. My brain won't shut up. Thoughts, mostly really sad thoughts, come dancing around my mind.

I can't wait when all this is over.

A Birthday Greeting

Ok, so he's not related to me in any way, but he's one fifth (now 1/4, darn Bry!) of the boyband (yikes! corniks!) that had a big part in my life. They did covers, both super cheesy they make me puke and ones that I can listen to forever. But of course, their best music are their original songs.

This band added a hit of craziness in my chaotic grade 5 year (I was a crazy 12-year-old), and because of them, I have one of my bestfriends now, and I met my fellow GWALLERS (crazy fans, talented stalkers) whom I so want to hang out with again.

My so called "man of my dreams" was one of them, and although he turned out to be gay (not really that surprised, because everyone says he looked gay, I just refused to accept it), I still love them to bits. Of course, one of them has the best singing voice I've ever heard in the whole world.

I rooted for them from the time they were innocent teens thrust out into the harsh pop world (that was back in 1999). Now, when three of them got married, two have babies, one is engaged and one is gay and one married member with two kids quit, although the hype that I used to feel for them are partially diminished, I still love them.

Ok, I'm ending this endless introduction. It's 7pm, I have FINALS tomorrow!!!!

Happy 27th Birthday Nix!

Nicky Byrne (he kinda looks like David Beckham, doesn't he?)

Westlife

A Year Ago...

As I was about to close my eyes last night, I did my routine last check on my cellphone, see if anyone wanted to say goodnight...(hmm, may hinihintay....yihee! c mysh lang. hahaha!) I was glad to see that at least one person remembered me tonight. I thought it was just the same old corny (but funny) jokes, but it was not. I stopped and took in the message.

"One year ago na yung retreat natin. Remember, August 3? I miss you guys."

Those weren't the exact words, but it brought back that nostalgic feeling again. I couldn't believe it. Our retreat, our beloved retreat. That was already a year ago? I kind of felt guilty that I forgot the date. Time's passing by so fast; everything's a blur. I'm already 18, but I still forget. Hehehehe! Anyway, yeah. It didn't really sink in last night, because I was already very sleepy.

Around 9 am awhile ago, free cut in Filipino! So as always, I went to the library to do math. After solving a few problems, my mind drifted away to that message from last night. The same feeling swept over me, and I couldn't go on manipulating the numbers in front of me. I took out my mobile phone. I needed to remind everyone as Mysh did. I needed to know if they felt the same way, that I wasn't the only one looking really dumb, sitting in the library, Math book in front of me, crying my eyes out. Ok, I exaggerated that. But I got really misty-eyed. So I texted the 4-A people. A couple of replies later, well, it didn't exactly make me feel better. They made me miss them even more. But I was happy. They did remember, and even though some only replied something like, "Yah.", I knew that later on today, when they're alone and everything is quiet, they'll remember those three wonderful days of bonding and reflection. May konting drama pa at the start, remember guys? :)

Flashback, August 4, 2004...around this time...

It's dinner time! Everyone's tired already, we just finished out diad part 2. Yep, ghost hunting later, guys. Don't forget the flashlights! What's for dinner? Kim, special meal again? Ok, ako na kakain ng brocolli mo. Walang tulugan mamaya ah! Anu ba yan, picture picture nanaman! I left my camera upstairs again. Too lazy to get it. Makikipicture nalang ako, parecopy nalang ha. Oi ha parecopy ha! Sa amin ka nalang magpadevelope hehe may discount ka! Uy Kim, kainin na natin yun KFC sa taas baka langgamin. Pajama daw tayo lahat mamaya. Pajama party! Shet, may dala ba akong matinong pajama?!?!?! Nasan na si Sarah? Ayun. Porman, tama na kain. Last night na natin 'to ha walang tulugan! Kwentuhan nalang tayo. Oi, wag kayong mang-iwan nakakatakot sa stairs ang dilim dilim! Sige, bihis lang kami, kita tayo maya!

SJ Peeps!!!

Ang pagkakaalam ko supposedly "softball" daw ang mga kasali sa pic nato... hmm... bakit kaya may mga na-extra? Hehehe joke lang guys, I LOVE YOU!!!

Ghost of SJ Visited!!!

Oi! Hahaha ok, good news! This post will be written in a much much cheerier note! Mali mali na ba english ko?! Ok lang yan, di naman ito yung ichecheck ng prof ko. Pinapagawa kasi kami ng blog, parang proj. Argh! Nakaka-ewan yon... Parang, sapilitang sulat tapos correct grammar and all pa... Parang, kelangan ko pa ma-conscious sa mga isusulat ko di gaya dito, kahit anong isulat ok lang! WHAHAHAHA!

Anyways, kanina nasa Weights Gym me for my PE class... shet, sakit sa katawan... di ko pa nararamdaman now pero hay bukas... puro salompas nako hintayin niyo! Hehehe! Anyhoo, ayan, paglabas ko, guess who nakita ko??? GUESS WHO!!!! Nope, hindi si Ashton. (sayang!) Si MR. IGOR DUCAY!!!!!! WHAHAHAHA! Super, I stopped in my tracks, napatunganga ako! I never expected in my whole life na I'd be super happy to see Mr. Ducay! Eh pinagkamalan pa niya akong lalaki nung December while we were practicing for sportsfest last year! Whahaha! Super happy me! He said he was a substitute teacher in Taekwondo for two weeks. Ang pagkakaalam ko student niya si Val eh! Hahaha it's so funny lang... Tapos sabi niya sa UP Manila talaga daw siya nagtuturo. Hay, sana i-consider niya na magturo nalang ng PE 101 (lecture) sa ADMU! Hahaha eh di parang back 2 4th year na yehey! Dibale, next PE day ko, bubulabugin ko siya nang todo!

Nung Monday nga, umiral nanaman katangahan ko, pero I'm glad it happened. Haha! Eh kasi dapat may INTAC class kami, parang intoduction thingy malay ko ba. So anyway, nilakbay ko pa yun Bellarmine Hall nagmamadali ako kasi kala ko 12 yun classes! Ganito yan, kung yung pinanggalingan kong bldg eh Mainland China, yung Bellarmine Hall eh parang Japan! Ganun yun layo hahaha! Astig ba? So ayun, I was panting hard pa, then yun mga nakasalubong ko sa stairway eh even gave me weird looks! So nakarating na me, found the room, and it was empty. Nagtataka me why pero naisip ko kasi malayo kaya baka wala pa. O baka nagkamali nanaman ako ng room. Dammit. So tinext ko mga tao! After like, 20 mins. of waiting for a reply, nagtext si Osmond na papunta na siya. So while I was waiting, tumambay ako sa labas ng classroom kasi mas malamig. Curse the classrooms that don't have aircons (halos lahat ng classrooms yon as in)! Bigla akong may narinig sa next room, napalingon ako! At pinakinggan kong mabuti... Aba... Sounds familiar... Ayan! Chinese Class! Whahahaha! As in parang talaga lecture ng Lishr, naalala niyo nung 3rd year, dun tayo sa classroom sa dulo sa may 2nd yr sec E? Whahaha parang ganun talaga! Kaya ayun, wala lang, it brought back memories... I just stood there for like, almost an hour... Wala lang, I just wanted to hear it. Dati I was quite certain I wouldn't miss anything about Chinese classes. But now... Wala lang. I miss it... Kasi yun yung sleeping period ko and yun panggawa ng ibang assignments period ko whahahah! Hay, ang weird ko ba?

Sige, yan lang muna! Kelangan ko na lagyan ng unang entry yun English blog ko argh! BTW, super kamukha ni Henny (coach namin sa softball) yun English prof namin! Whahahahaha!

SJ 4ever!!!

Eto kami kahapon. Thanks to Mysh for uploading the photo! Marami pang wala jan eh, di ko alam saan nagsipunta, lalu na yung mga softball boys! Hahaha hay talaga forever nato... Mejo nalulungkot me now, kasi bukas back to the new school na, di ko nanaman kayo makakasama... Hay. This is depressing! Naiisip ko ngayon, dapat nagsusulat na ako ng siaokai! Miss ko na yung mabahong obak! Tapos mamaya magpupuyat me kasi maraming susulatin... Tapos Monday nanaman, traffic nanaman! Tatakbuhin ko nanaman paakyat ng 6th floor. Tapos nakapila dapat kami sa 5th floor... Anu nga ba first subject natin? Physics? Wah! hehehe pero miss ko na yun ha. Hay eto nanaman reminiscing...

Naalala ko yun CAT duty, 6:30 kelangan nasa school na! Tapos pagnatatapat sa Chinese test yung duty, may daladala akong xerox ng notes, tapos nag-aaral me ng patago hehehe. Yun lang nga kamalasan pag sa pedes ako ilagay! Katakot yun eh, parang masasagasaan ako ng bus! Pamatay pa yun usok magkaka-lung cancer me nyan eh! Hay pero miss ko na yun... Pero wouldn't want to do ROTC... Tapos pagpapasok ako, half asleep pa ako! Hahaha tapos every time pagdating ko sa classroom, hingal na hingal ako. Sinong di mahihingal, eh 6th floor yon! Tapos natatawa sila Kartier sakin kasi nung itinapon ako ni Ms. Emnace sa pinakaharap, kung natutulog ako, isinusuot ko sa loob ng locker yun ulo ko. Hehehe, di kasi ako makatago eh! Sa likod madali matulog, lalu na nung nasa harap ko si Jep! Sabay kami matulog hehehe! Minsan hindi ko na siya napapansin na umuupo sa harap ko, kasi kung hindi siya late, tulog ako, hahaha ang weird noh? Tapos yung ipis namin sa locker na si Arnold...

Naalala ko nung retreat, kasama ko si Sarah, Johann, Jeremy (tama ba?), Erold, Raymond, and may isa pa... Basta 'yon! Haha tapos eh yung diad part yon, nagsamasama nalang kami. Tapos naalala niyo ba yung pathway sa right side? Yun naglelead sa yung may mga cross? Pumasok kami dun... Eh almost 6pm na yon, wala pa kaming dalang flashlight... Si Johann yung nasa pinakaharap nung tapos magkakapit-kapit kami nun hahaha kasi parang gubat na yung paligid eh nakakakilabot na sunset na kasi! Tapos biglang huminto si Johann, sabi niya, "Uy may fog... Ibig sabihin niyan... MAY MULTO!!!!!" As in sigawan kami takbo pabalik! Hahahaha! Sobrang freaky talaga yon noh! Tapos may isang part, diad ulit, si Joseph yata kasama ko? Maliwanag pa nun, tapos nandun kami sa may cross, natagpuan namin sila Mark Lim and iba pang mga tao. Ayun, naglakad-lakad kami. Nung gabi, bigla ba naman may nagkwento na kaya pala ayaw ni Mark sumama sa amin maglakad doon kasi may nakikita na siyang white lady sa may mga cross! Shet! Eh nandun kami naglalakad!!!!!!! Tapos nagbalak pa kami mag ghost hunting nun, diba merong librang merienda nung gabi? Last night ba natin yon? Basta yon! Kaso yun lang nga eh may bantay kaya di nagawa... Di panga kami nagigising ni Sarah para mag yoga nun eh! Nung second day, kala ko nananaginip lang ako na may kumakatok, ayun pala ginigising na kami! hahaha! Di na yata kami nagbrreakfast nun eh sa sobrang late magising!

Hay, ang sarap ulitin... Si Mysh nagsuggest kay Mrs. Ramos na magretreat ulit yung batch natin... I think it's a good idea. Yun lang nga magulo yung mga sched natin di magkatugma, pero siguro Christmas vacation? Sana naman... Sana magkasamasama ulit tayong lahat. Naalala ko pa yun sobrang hectic na pagsusulat ng reco letters! Grabe kahit class hours reco letter yun sinusulat ko hanggang sa mga program sa auditorium! Hehehe gusto ko pala pasalamatan ulit yung mga sumulat sa akin ng reco letter! And sorry sobra dun sa mga di ko nasulatan ha... Di ko na kasi maalala sa dami ng sinusulatan ko... Hehehe.

O sige yan lang muna... Grabe ba itong phase nato? Puro SJ yung title ng posts ko? hehehe! hay, more to come yan! Hangga't di ako makaadjust, hangga't di pa ako comfy... Naku, puro SJ yung magiging title neto... At puro reminiscing ang dating... Hehehe! Magkaroon kaya tayo ng 1 year reunion? Hehe la lang! =)

Happy Fathers' Day nga pala sa lahat ng dads out there!

Pahabol lang...

Wala lang... wag niyo lang pansinin ito...
Naisip ko lang kanina... kanina ko lang napansin...
Kala ko, oo, mamimiss ko naman talaga eh. Hello?! Di naman ako taong bato. Pero... nung nakita ko, grabe, parang, shet... Ang tagal ko na siya di nakita... tapos napatunganga ako... Ang weird ba? Tapos wala lang, mejo inisip ko na... I'd rather be green than be blue... Whahahahaha! Hay kahit maging blue blooded ako, green at heart pa rin ako noh! SJ 4ever! Wala lang. Kenebs, si Cebu, haha wala lang, namiss ko grabe lipat na ako jan. Panggago talaga. As in napatunganga ako nung nakita ko siya. Kahit maraming gwapo sa blue, iba pa rin si Cebu. Haha rhyming ba?! Ewan ko, basta ganun feeling kanina. Hahahahaha! Pero kilig 2 death ako dun sa isa noh?! Sayo pa ako sumiksik nung tumitili ako whahahahaha! Ang gago ko ba?! Pero he looks better now ha, yung isa. Hahahaha kinikilig me upto now! Hahaha Grand Stand ulit tayo para... heheheh! Sige nanga nababaliw na ako!

SJCS... My HOME.

Hey! I got back from SJCS about three hours ago... I'm sooo HAPPY!!! As in! I've been wanting to see my batchmates for a long long time, and of course I thought there would be a few of us who'll be there. I didn't expect that as many as a bit more than a whole section would be there! Kami na yata yung pinakamaraming kakagraduate lang na bumalik sa SJ for mass! As in! We sat upstairs, at the right side of the balcony. We were sooo noisy! Hahaha! And it was pretty hot there, so we kept on sweating and fanning ourselves! But I had so much fun, although I just stayed there for like, 2 hours at most.

There were a lot of changes. The first thing I noticed is that in a part of the mass, ok, I forgot whick part it was... Oh, it was the consecration. They put the lights out and focused the spotlight on the priests. They didn't do that when we attended mass! hmph. Anyway, there were changes in the administration too and the faculty and staff.

There's a new principal. I don't know his name. I think he's a priest/lawyer with doctor as his title. Miss Priscilla Lopez is outta the picture! Muahahahahhaha! But why did they wait 'til we were gone to do that?! Our last year in SJ would've been more fun without her... Hehehe. Well, I guess not, because without her, there's no excitement! Right guys? hehehe! Si Mr. Gelido pa! He's still there! Aling Remy, the oldest canteen staff, also resigned. Tama ba canteen staff o maintenance ba? Basta lagi siyang nasa lunchborders! She served SJ for 42 years! Whoa! And some of our grade school and prep teachers also left... And Mrs. Hicaro, our RHGP teacher! She was boring, to tell you the truth. But she's very nice, nonetheless, so I kind of feel bad she left. Too bad for those who didn't have her as a teacher. And wala na daw THE sa 4th year and RHGP! Whoa, I'm sorry, but that's less fun for them! And I heard they were given more maths, and the morning bell is earlier and the lunch bell is later... Whoa, torture. But I'd still love to go back to SJ, basta with my batch...

Kanina was a lot of fun! Nandun pa rin yun "Picture! Picture!" Hahaha! Never nawala yan! Kahit nagsi-alisan ang mga tao nung camera ko na yung ipapangkuha... Ok lang, Mysh is there. Diba Mysh? Photobucket ah! Hehe! Sayang I didn't get to spend more time with you kanina. I missed you so much! Grabe, I missed everybody so much I hugged whoever I saw! Ok, yung iba hindi. Hehehe. Pero most of them. Lalu na si Kenken! Super hug! Hahaha! Miss u Ken and Kambal! Tea! 'Twas good to see all the softball girls and guys! Uy Ken, nandun si ano... Hay kilig me to death! Hahah mukha akong tanga kanina! Noh? And si ano... Lam mo na-miss ko siya SOBRA ngayon ko lang narealize! Hay... Sayang, you're prolly all at Grand Stand now...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MELLANY GO AND JESYLYN GO!!!

China Days

Finally, here are the pics I promised long ago... Hehehe. Sorry it took me so long. I was savouring the last days of summer then... so I always stayed out with my friends. This is weird, but about two days before classes started, I started to watch Meteor Garden 1 again! Hahaha! I haven't seen that in like, two years! I missed it so much... Ok, I think it all started when Maria and I were waiting here at home for people to arrive because we were going to have dinner. Then she suggested we watch this Korean movie. At first, I didn't want to because I kind of find those corny... But I agreed anyway 'coz we had nothing to do. Well, it was certainly corny and exagge! But it was funny too! At the end, i was supposed to change my clothes for dinner, but I couldn't take my eyes off the TV because I was waiting for the couple to get back together! Argh! Hahaha we ended up making Grace wait for an hour in the restaurant! Sorry Grace! Anyway, the next day, my brother let me watch yet another korean film titled My Fair Lady. It was really weird at first, but the ending was nice. There's something common to both films besides that they're Korean... The leading guys aren't cute but the leading ladies are very pretty! Haha! How could they take it?

Ok, so anyway, I got way off topic there, sorry... So after all those, I suddenly had this craving for more chinovela. So I got MG1 and watched it. I just finished watching yesterday... Unfortunately, I forgot that someone borrowed MG2, so I have nothing to watch now. Then I started thinking about my trip to China... if you read my previous posts, you'd see that I didn't really like being there at first, right? But the longer we stayed, the more "at home" I felt. When we left for HK on the 6th day, I almost didn't want to leave. Well, almost cried... That was weird. And I miss my irritating and annoying tour guide. He's become a friend somehow. I wonder what he's doing now? Hehehe.

I don't know why I miss China. Maybe because when I was there, I had no clue what's ahead, and somehow, those days were still counted as my SJ days... It was tiring, but relaxing and fun at the same time. I like travelling. When I'm out of the country, I feel like I'm free or something. Haha! I dunno why. In other countries, I'm free to walk in the streets. Here, I don't walk. It was pretty cold in China when we got there; we caught the last shreds of spring. The sceneries were magnificent. I absolutely love the garden we went to on the last day. Hay. I never really wanted to go there, never really dreamed of it. But now, I don't know. I wanna go back to China someday. Weird, isn't it? I think it's because when I was there, there was no pressure at all. All I needed to do was get up early and go have fun. Now... I'm back to reality. Ugh. Reality sure bites, doesn't it?

SJCS Hymn

SJCS SJCS

With loving hearts we sing to you

SJCS SJCS

With grateful hearts we're greeting you

Every heart sincere and true

We are ready to pledge to you

Our faithful loyalty

To raise your banner high

School of childhood

Saint Jude Catholic School

Our alma mater dear beloved

We promise to live up to your ideals

As we step out of your dear portals

We face the world with faith and hope

Forever and for you Saint Jude...

I never knew I'd miss this song this much. Now I kinda regret not singing it every chance I had. I kinda regret going home right away every after dismissal. Parang sana tumambay nalang muna ako. I miss St. Jude Parish. I regret thinking na, "Makakaalis na rin ako sa SJ sa wakas!" Right now, I wanna go back. Kahit bigyan pa nila ako ng sangdamakmak na Huwawun at Lishr notes, I wanna go back. Guys, kasali ba talaga ito sa transition into college? Excited nanga ako sa Saturday eh. Sana payagan ako. I just miss being there, in our humble campus. I feel at home there. Kahit saan doon, alam ko na kung anong makikita. Di ko na kailangang maghagilap pa. Kahit yung mabantot na CR at yung overpriced canteen natin miss ko na. Naaalala ko pa yun sobrang nakakatamad na pagkopya ng notes. Xerox lang sagot diyan... Ngayon, kahit pakopyahin pa nila sa akin yun lahat ng tsiang-i ok lang, basta nandoon lang ako kasama kayong mga Sj people... Bakit ganon, ang lungkot ngayon? High school nga daw yung happiest days of your life. Sana naman happy rin yun college life. Siguro nga sa simula palang ito. Sana talaga. Kundi baka di ko makayanan... ewan.