"Ang ating nakaraan ang humubog sa atin upang maging kung sino tayo sa kasalukuyan."
Of course. Without the past, there would be no present. We talked about this awhile ago.
We were asked to make a timeline of our past experiences and decisions that led us to where we are today. An explanation of our work followed.
It didn't occur to me that we had to really delve into the bottommost parts of our souls to make that timeline. So I did the really basic thing. I started from my birth, and then I got to elementary. I almost transferred to another school, but I decided later that I wanted to stay in SJCS, so I did. I studied well, so I passed several entrance exams. I couldn't decided between two universities. So I decided to follow my mom's advice and went into ADMU. After being depressed my whole first year there, I finally "saw the light" and have never been happier. (well, yes, but that's another thing) So now, I have close friends, and we decided to apply for this leadership program, and here I am. The End.
As I listened to my other groupmates' sharing, I began to feel stupid and shallow because they incorporated really private personal things in their explanations like their "special someones" and specific high school tragedies. They really poured their hearts out. Damn me and my reservations. I felt like I came across as an ogre in an NSTP shirt.
Even though virtually nobody, not even my group mates, will be able to read this, I decided to do justice to my timeline's explanation. It isn't much, but it's worth jotting down.
Okay, so I was born. Yes, I'm a jolly little kid. I was baptized a Catholic, and I entered a Catholic school. The line goes up because as I child, I didn't have that much problems. I viewed everything with rose-tinted glasses. I was confident back then. I didn't mind the flabs, although they made me cry for several occasions.
Teenhood started, and so did the insecurities. But the line still went up, because it was this time when I met my friends, sisters of the blood. (it sounds creepy, right?) What I mean is that I feel like we are really sisters, my friends and I. I should've made the lines go up and down, zigzaggy, because it was a bit of a turbulent time. Hurtful rumors, backstabbing, and spiteful comments surfaced I felt like I was in a tug-of-war and I'm the rope. By late high school, the waves of friendship calmed down, but my studies was a disaster zone. I wasn't flunking; the pressure was killing me. I broke a couple of times, but I picked myself up and went on. I had no choice. If I didn't get a move on right then, life would go and without me. It resulted to severe mood swings. They told me that it was as if I was menopausal. But I had a great senior year.
Blessings showered. I got accepted to my mom's dream college for me, ADMU, and several others. I had a hard time deciding where to go. I didn't want to conform to my cousins' tradition of going to DLSU. My family needed variety. I'm giving it to them. At the same time, I didn't want to be away from my friends. I considered going to UST.
I'm not really sure why, maybe it's because I wanted to please my mom, make her dreams for me come true, or because I just wanted to pursue the opposite of my cousins, or maybe it's this divine voice somewhere inside that told me. I secured my slot in ADMU the day after graduation.
The first days of first year was hell. It only took a snap of the fingers to make me cry. I missed my friends so much, and I thought about transferring to DLSU every single day. I voiced that out to my friends, and they told me to go ahead. The more the merrier! But still, the divine voice was resilient. It told me that I was meant to be in ADMU. It didn't say why. But I remained. I got through it, a bit shaken and stirred, but still fighting. Summer was a blast. Bum days went by. I visited my friends a lot. I didn't want it to end.
I didn't do much the previous school year because I felt really low, like I didn't measure up to these round-the-clock English-speaking people. Pinoy ako, matigas ang Tagalog ko. Kahit utot ko Tagalog ang wika. I wasn't accustomed to rapid translations in my brain. I really felt small and slow, like my brain, compared to theirs, was only of a sea slug's. I didn't want to be with them back then, I didn't feel good enough. But during the summer, I reflected and got to the conclusion that this is the time to do everything I want. Every stepping stone to success is just around the campus, and if I don't take hold of those, then my dreams would just remain dreams.
Alas, the time came when I had to go back to the nest of the Blue Eagle. Clutching a newly formed resolution, I braved the forest once more. I had no choice. I had to go back. No company would take a person with a degree of MasKom (mas komportable sa bahay).
I put a lot of effort to blending in. I banished my aloof tendencies. Instead, I sacrificed precious sleeping time to be with my friends. I went along with them to eat, leaving my usual library seat empty. I thought that being alone was better than being with other people. What a pleasant surprise it was when slowly, I got to know them, and got closer. Now, sleeping in the library was only a second choice. I've never been happier.
Still, the question remains. Why am I in this university? What am I supposed to do here? Quality education can be found in many different places, but why did I feel like I was meant to be here? While walking from a class to somewhere else (my episodic memory is failing me), it suddenly hit me.
"Men and Women for and with others"
Helping is a great passion of mine. I don't even want to call it "charity" because there's a sort of notion that the "charitable" person is far more superior to the "charity case". I just want to call it "helping out". I believe that every child in this country, or even the world, deserves what I have. I want them to experience the lightness of life, a part that they, sadly, never tasted. I just want to give as much children as I can better education. I just want them to finish college and get a job and help their family out. This belief has been in me for the longest time, and I've just realized it. This is the reason why I'm here. This institution will help me work on that passion. God had already given me the answer. It was here all along. It just took me a little longer to ask the question, and realize that the question has already been answered.
With that, I bid you goodbye.
As a last request, please take a little time to visit this website.
World Vision Organization Philippines---->Helping another is just a click away.
