Holidays and Books

I've been asked a couple of times this break if I actually felt the Christmas spirit.

Before saying yes or no, I think that I have to qualify the phrase "Christmas spirit". What do they mean when they say that? (1) Is it the feeling we used to get when we were ten years younger, that irrepressible excitement and giddiness, and the elating sense of awe and wonder the season brings? Of course, this also covers the potential mountain of presents we get (we got more back then, don't you agree?) (2) Or is it a spiritual one, gratitude for the coming of our Savior? (3) Maybe it's the heightening of a common human virtue of generosity? To see the happy faces of the people we give gifts to, just hearing the words "thank you", is enough to make us mirror their smiles. To actually know that they absolutely love the present we gave is like finding the Holy Grail. (4) Lastly, maybe it's just economic joy, a.k.a. angpao/aginaldo/bonuses. And all the sales in malls.


Maybe the Christmas spirit is a combination of all of these. I don't know. But I really miss the first one, and I really really wanted to feel that this year but up until Christmas Eve I was like, oh, yeah, it's Christmas... I didn't even feel a thing. There used to be, as I mentioned, an excitement that starts when the -ber months do leading up to the day itself. But there's none. I didn't even get to decorate our tree this year (during sembreak I had all the free time, you see. But they kept the tree and all the decorations up in Antipolo. Then just when second sem started and things got a little bit busy, I come home from my 7:30 class to find a tree complete with all the trims. Argh.)

I guess for me, it's more of the third one this year (and the fourth one, but that's secondary. Heehee.) I don't really give lots of presents every year, not unless I baked them. But this year, since it's senior year and all, I gave lots of stuff to lots of people. Okay, only eight of them. But there were lots of stuff. People started giving away tiny little things the last week of classes, food. Candy canes, cookies, brownies... Yum! And it felt wonderful to be given one even if it's just a small thing. So there, I gave. And it felt great. And they actually liked it. Yey! I even gave these pillows on an impulse to my friends present in the overnight. I don't know. I just saw them and thought they're cute and my friends would think they're cute so why not give them a dose of cuteness right? Hehe.

Well, that's Christmas 2008 for me. I did get some fabulous stuff though. But the feeling of having made people happy, even for the shortest time, is priceless. (Naks! Matouch na kayo!)

Anyway, I'm reading two books at the same time now. I've been trying to veer away from the young adult section books so I went to Books for Less to try other authors (buying brand new books from previously unread authors of mine is a risk my wallet cannot take). I bought three books: something (forgot the title) by Kristin Hannah (I don't really know why I bought this. I liked one of her books and sort of unconsciously started to collect her other books), Mary, Mary by James Patterson (I've never tried this genre of his, suspense is it?), and of course, if I'm gonna say that I'm a horror fan, I'd have to also read horror! So I started with the basic: Stephen King. Nightmares and Dreamscapes. It's a collection of his short stories. I wanna start with The Shining or Salem's Lot but I can't find them there so I just opted for this. So far, it's filled with crazy people. And kids are creepy. Lol.

Morning Terrors

I've always considered it a gift, my ability to remember almost every dream I have (in detail). I generally like my "head movies" (stolen from Tropic Thunder. Heehee.) However, there are times when I wish I didn't. It's not about nightmares. As far as those go, I have them at least once a week. The night before last, I had a dream that I was in my high school classroom with people (some of them former classmates) and it was nighttime. I don't know why, but everybody just got up and danced the Macarena. WTF right? Afterwards, we settled down for some film viewing. It was a film called "DV from Underground". I have no idea what DV stands for. Like, in mini DV maybe? I got the feeling (in the dream) that DV was some sort of virus. Death Virus maybe. Haha. Anyway, there. And then the movie opens with a shot of a huge room filled with hospital beds, like some sort of evacuation center or hospital for soldiers in a war. There. And then the shot zoomed in on this one bed where a soldier was lying dead and a cheerleader (wearing a uniform much too much like Claire's from Heroes) was on top of him taking a bite out of his face. Hmm. Zombie movies. Even in dreams, huh?

So anyway, there. That wasn't exactly a nightmare but I do have those often so I'm not very bothered by them (there are some exceptions though). But the kind of dreams that I truly detest are the ones that scream "YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS IS SCREWING WITH YOU!!!" They're the obviously the wish-fulfilling execution of that part of your head. You know it will NEVER happen so your brain thinks, hey, let's make it happen in dreamland. At least it would seem real for awhile. Give her a little taste of what it can never be. It won't hurt.

Shut up, brain.

You see, that's what's totally wrong with it. They say that dreams are supposed to help resolve unresolved or unrealized issues during conscious hours. In my case, the dreams are what cause the issues. I mean, for example, don't let me dream that we were given a free cut in a class where a torturous long test was scheduled because when I wake up, I'd still be feeling what I felt in the dream (ecstatic and super relieved) and I'd be in that mood so when the day doesn't (obviously) go as the dream did, I'd be more upset than if I didn't dream that dream because it would've given me hope.

Am I making sense here?

How many times my mood was influenced by my dream, I don't know. Well I mean, not directly influenced but a teeny tiny factor to my cheeriness or grumpiness or depressed state or whatever. Have you ever heard of "nadala lang ng panaginip"? I bet not. That might be unique to me. I don't know if this is possible, but could my interests (and other stuff) be influenced by what I dream about? Usually it's the other way around. But recent reflections show that the first option may in fact be true.

Hmm.

Pare.

Dinekwat ko lang kay Belle (dinekwat lang rin niya sa kung kanino man na dumekwat sa totoong gumawa. Hehe.)

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Kasi pare ganito daw yun. may isa daw babae na hot daw pare. pero maputla siya kasi hindi
siya inalagaan ng nanay niya pare. tapos pare emo daw siya kasi nga daw hindi siya mahal ng mundo at para siyang patay na bata na galit sa mundo. tapos pare, lumipat daw siya ng tirahan kasi daw masyado daw siyang emo para sa luma niyang tirahan. sabi niya sa nanay niya "tangina mo nay gusto ko lumipat kay tay". tangina pare hindi nagalit nanay niya. sabi lang ng nanay niya "tangina mo pare wag ka magmura".

so lumipat siya sa tatay niya di ba? pagkarating niya dun sabi niya, "tangina erpat bakit maulan dito?" sabi ng erpat niya "gago "bur" months na! malamig na tangena". so nagtaka yung babaeng simula ngayon ay tatawagin na lang nating "babaeng maputla at emo".

so pumasok siya sa school di ba? binigyan siya ng truck ng tatay niya pare. sabi ng tatay niya "tangina mo sa'yo na tong truck ko". sabi niya "salamat tay".

pagkarating niyang school tsong, may nakita siyang lalaking mukhang bangkay pero pogi. sakto. pogi pero mukhang bangkay. sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "hot pare".

nung chem lab na ni babaeng maputla at emo, natagpuan niyang lab partner niya yung poging bangkay. so nung tinignan siya nung poging bangaky, ang asim ng mukha nito. mukhang nandiri ata kay babaeng maputla at emo.

sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina KA". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina NIYA oh *tumuro sa teacher nila*". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "oo nga noh. TANGINA MO". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo gago bampira ako". tapos naghubad siya ng damit at kumintab ang katawan niya kasi linagyan niya ng glitters ang abs niya kasi tigas siya at ganun na ang mga tigas ngayon na nagpupuntang emba.

so pare na in love si babaeng maputla at emo kay poging bangkay. si poging bangkay naman sige lang kasi sex din daw yun. so ayun. angshweet shweet nila.

"eow poh... ahihihihi"

"bebe mwahugz,..... ^^,"

so tapos nun nagpunta sila sa damuhan kasi.... alam mo na. tapos sabi ni poging bangkay "ikaw na buhay ko ngayon" sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina mo gago patay ka na". sabi ni poging bangkay "TANGINA KA".

tapos nagsex sila

so basically pare yun lang yung mga importanteng nangyari sa buong storya. intense noh? kaya pala nahhook lahat ng tao.

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