So... This Is Sembreak

The only light in my room right now is from this laptop.

No, I'm not being emo. Lol. It's just weird having nothing to do. I cleaned my room yesterday and got about a foot tall of scratch paper (readings from past sems and stuff... judging from the tall pile beside my bed, I think I've spend about 1000 pesos in overall photocopying.) My dear ol' nanny said that I still have a couple drawers full of trash to go through. Ah, yes. That's my job during holidays.

So right now I'm making playlists of Christmas songs for my parents. My mom just wanna have a Christmasy feeling in the house I guess. It's just an innate quality of Christmas songs, making people happy. Although there's still a couple months to go, I've been listening to carols for days. It makes me happy.

My dad wants a CD to listen to while driving. It's adorable and kinda sad when he said, "Gawan mo na ako ng CD para mapakinggan ko sa kotse, kasi kung hindi, wala na next year nanaman."

I was like, yeah... Better we start celebrating early 'coz in December, they'll be busy with the ham-making (yes, we make Christmas ham so if anybody is interested... message me!) and I'd be busy having long tests and school stuff. Before we know it, it's Christmas eve and we'd only have a day to actually listen to these songs... And then Christmas Day would pass by just like that, and we'd have to wait another year...

Every year for about six or seven years now, I've been wishing for a really wonderful Christmas, like the ones I had when I was younger. I don't know why Christmas just started getting dreary some time when I hit high school. Is it because I'm a grown up now? (I can't believe I just admitted that. I'm effing 20, officially a grown up. Well, okay, not yet. But next year I will be.) Is Christmas really for kids only? Or is it because when I was younger, I knew what Christmas is all about and now I've forgotten about it?

Maybe it's because we held the party here in our home before, and we'd have games and stuff. The house would be bursting to the rim with people, employees and relatives alike, all with smiles on their faces. The buzz was just wonderful. And of course, I still had my lolo back then. He was really patient with me even though I'd drag him around the house so we can play with building blocks and stuff.

Lately, what has been my Christmas routine? Okay, so in high school, I'd be back from softball games just in time for the company party which was held in some restaurant. Or I'd be tired from writing all that siao khai and ta khai. No, I don't participate in games anymore because my cousins weren't there anymore to look like a fool with me. When I was little, my cousins were pretty much the same age as I am. We would join all the games and fight over prizes and stuff. It was loads of fun. Now there's a new generation of kids. I don't even know them. I can't join in any "contests" because...well, they're for employees right? And I don't know any of them. The ones I knew are now all gone. My cousins don't attend the parties anymore. So basically during company parties I just attend to make an "appearance" and just eat and drink. That's all. There were many times when I just wanted to hang out in one of my friend's place that night. It would've been much more fun.

Sixteen, seventeen years ago, I'd help my mom shop and wrap up gifts and I'd go downstairs and put them under the tree and be all happy 'coz I felt like I were Santa. Christmas eve, I'd be hanging in my parents' room watching cartoons and every Christmas special I can find. Then I'd be called to take a bath so I could dress up for the party later. Today... Well, what do I do? Can't even remember what I did last year. Oh yeah, I burnt my hand baking cakes for the people in Sta. Cruz and I didn't even get as much as a casual "Thanks". They just...left it there. I don't even know if anybody ate even a sliver. It was my best cake recipe" White Chocolate cake. Even my brother, who is my biggest critic when it comes to cooking, said that I did something right when I made my first white chocolate cake.

Well this time I found a sugar-free cookie recipe. I haven't tested it yet. Maybe I will tomorrow. But heck, if that's what they want, cardboard tasting things. Then that's what I'll make.

Anyway, I don't know. I guess I'll just stop wishing for a happy Christmas. I don't think I can remake what I had before. Maybe it is a law of nature that as one grow older, the less one enjoys Christmas. Well, unless one has a "special someone" to spend it with. Then that individual would be all set until February. Agh. No. I'm not gonna complain about my permanent status again.

I'm just gonna complain about the abysmal download speed of this laptop. Goodness! I've been downloading the latest episode of heroes for almost two hours now! TRhat should be done by now. Grr!

And so now I gotta go to the hospital with my mom. She's having a check up, I guess.

Whoop-dee-doo.

I can't even find the USB that connects my mp3 player to the computer so I can't put in my Christmas songs. How sucky is that? I want an ipod! Only two months' worth of salary and allowance to go...