burning in HELL

This is like, the worst day ever. I hate my life. Ok, not all of it but... I just HATE HATE HATE school!!! I know I've said this before, but believe me, I've never meant it this much.

I just want to thank LINKIN PARK for coming up with the song IN THE END because it's the perfect soundtrack for my life. And next in line is HARI NG SABLAY by Sugarfree (tama ba?)

"I've tried so hard and got so far
In the end it doesn't even matter"

This morning, I was almost late for FIlipino class. I got inside the classroom just in time for the teacher to call my name, roll call. So, good timing isn't it? The makings of a pretty ok day.

DEAD WRONG!!!

So it was the day of our reporting. We're supposed to analyze a short story, do psychoanalysis on the characters or view it in a Marxist way or whatever. So there. I spent like, an hour last night deciphering all these context stuff and all that deep stuff that I felt my brain liquify. I wrote it in a 1 whole piece of paper, because my printer's not working. I planned on just handing it to whoever's gonna be picked for reporting.

It goes like this. So we're a group, right. And the teacher is gonna pull out a name from an envelope. Whoever's name that is is gonna be a reporter for his/her group. So in short, our grades rely on that single person. A week ago, I was praying not to get picked. I really hate speaking in front of people. I get so tongue-tied and my hands get really cold and I just babble endlessly, not making snese at all. But I really prepared for this report. I knew what I was supposed to say. Our prof was looking for all that deep shit in out reports, and I dug and dug into the story until I unearthed all the deep stuff that he wanted us to report about. I really need to get an A in this report, it's 40 items for goodness' sake. I got an F in the advisory marks because of our...let's just say, out former prof. Someone might come across this blog and have it broadcasted school-wide like what happened to that poor girl who dissed the priests of our school. Nothing's safe anymore. No freedom of speech, I tell ya. Better write down the vital thoughts in a real diary.

So anyway, I was kinda relieved when I wasn't called for reporting. But I was worried because the groupmate of mine who was to report said he couldn't do it, that he didn't know what to say. I don't want to point fingers here. It's not his fault. The thing that pissed me off was that our prof was sooo grouchy this morning. Ok, if you're a prof, you should be patient, right? You should understand your students, help them learn. What our prof did was while my groupmate was reporting, he stood up, walked to the window and looked outside, as if he was in his own house with nothing to do. And then as if that's not enough to make us all uncomfortable, he even went out of the classroom and walked along the corridors. While my groupmate was reporting. I mean, please, teachers are supposed to be examples for us, role models. Doesn't he know what the meaning of the word RUDE means? His excuse for hus really really really rude behaviour was that he didn't understand a thing of our report. Well, yeah, I know our report sucked, but will you please show a little respect? I mean, if he was explaining something and I couldn't understand it and I suddenly stand up and look outside the window, he's probably get mad right and kick me out of the classroom. And probably fail me. I mean, we are all anxious about our grades because almost the whole class got F's in the advisory marks. Please show a little patience towards us. We may have sucked, yes, but we're sucky reporters who have feeling too, you know.

I liked him pa naman. Our prof, I mean. He was a good teacher. He explained everything to us. I understood his lessons unlike our previous prof, whom he replaced. But that thing he did today. That was just... I don't wanna say it. I'm just so mad. Ok, so my groupmate was a little off, but the prof is supposed to be the more mature of the two, and so is supposed to be the one who'll give, who'll understand. But NO. He just walked around, insulting us. I was thinking that if that were me reporting, I would've done a bit better. But I didn't have the chance. And our prof treated us like we're some dog poo he stepped on the sidewalk and impatiently wiped off on the concrete. I had a really really bad day. I didn't feel so good after that first period. I have this strong feeling that I'm gonna have to take up this same subject next semester. I didn't function very well after that period. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep and just let eveything go.

The bad thing is, we have our 4th Math long test that afternoon.

So I went to the library, still tulala because of what happened. I fell asleep around 9:30, woke up at 10. Some big guy bumped my table really hard it made me jump. But it was an accident. God's little way of waking me up, because believe me, I almost didn't have the intention to wake up. I was sooo depressed. I still am. So there, studied for 2 hours. I reviewed last night. I analyzed the solutions, how to do things, the patterns and stuff. Once I know how to do it, I'll pass.

BUT NOOOOOOOO...

I think it's the devil's birthday today or something because everything just went downhill. Down, down, down, until the deepest level of hell. So there, I sat in my Math class, nervous yet feeling alright. The questionairres came along and....

SHIT.

I didn't know how to do anything. There were 20 numbers for multiple choice, 4 points each. I wildly guessed about 10 of those because I was out of time. The remaining 20 points was for problem solving. I don't know what I did. As long as I came up with an answer then it's good enough.

I probably flunked that test. There goes my dream of getting a B. Or even a C+.

MY LIFE SUCKS.

I'm wishing to get hit by a lightning and die.

I wish I was in some other world, you know? Why wasn't I born into the HP world. I wish I was just a character in those books. At least my life would have adventure and I can swish and flick my wand and make things appear. And they don't have to do Math and those analyzing shit! Except if you're trying to be Hermione.