Somewhere between Sensorimotor and Pre-operational

Hay. I just got home from school about an hour ago...and I'm undeniably beat. Haven't slept yet, so I'm now working on mere sugar rushes...(ice cream! ice cream!)

We just saw a fantastic play (which I'll try to process later. right now, all I can say is, Mr. de Guzman rocks!!!!!).

But...this is one of the times that I wonder about my existence (naks, okay, I'm in identity vs. identity confusion of Erikson). Well, I...most of the time, I feel like I'm the stupidest person in thte world. I think that I'm incapable of higher cognitive abilities. I feel that I'm stuck in this stage forever, that I'd forever talk about trivial stuff and be satisfied with that. I mean, yeah, I like talking about whatever. I'm really talkative. But I don't think I have substance, you know? I think that people perceive me as some kind of an airhead who just talks a lot.

First of all, I have no interest in politics whatsoever, except if there's some kind of scandal (oooh, I just realized, natatamaan ako ng play!!! argh!), like Erap's impeachment. That makes me tune in to the news (yes, I am entertaining myself to stupidity...). It's like I'm caught up in this huge meme and I don't want to escape.

I AM DOOMED TO BE AN IDIOT FOREVER.

For example, this weblog. It should be deleted. Seriously. Whoever reads a post will drop 10 IQ points. It's harmful.

But no, I love this thing.

Should I delete this for the betterment of the public or keep it and die an imbecile?

Sabi nga ni anonymous teacher, "We can't be heartless geniuses, nor can we be loving imbeciles."

I think I'm the latter. I don't know.

What constitutes a substantial person? My idea is that a substantial person should be smart, opinionated, has general knowledge of everything under the sun, at the same time is compassionate towards others and is an over-all nice guy/girl.

I am so NOT like that. The freaking strength test even said that I don't have wisdom. I don't even know why people actually can bear to talk to me for extended periods. Don't they get dumber because of me?

Sometimes I think that I'm smarter than I let on, but most of the time, comparing myself to other people, I feel so dumb. I don't like movies or books that require me to think. I believe that books and movies are there to entertain me, and thinking is restricted to schoolwork. Maybe that's why. I think my brain is rotting in its own juices. But should I force myself to do something I don't want? Like read a philosophical book, for example? Or like, claim that I loves movies like...Proof or A Beautiful Mind (which I have seen a bit of a million times but I just switch the channel)?

That's just pretend.

Most guys say that their ideal girl should be "smart". So I've found another piece that solves the puzzle of my pending singlehood. And yeah, the extra extra extra weight.

Now off to Chapter 18! Hoorah!