On the 4th Day...

I went shopping.

Well, first I woke up late again. Ugh. I really should be asleep by now 'coz they said we're gonna go somewhere at 10AM tom so I really should be ready by then. But anyway.

So first we went to a camera shop so my brother could ask around. Then we went to this totally awesome Greenhills-like electronics building. I got a 500GB external hard drive that's only like, 3x5 inches! And it only cost as much as a low-end mobile phone! It even has a 3-year warranty. And it's white so it looks good with my laptop. :) (I should now definitely get a case that's transparent) I admire my cousin's bargaining skills. I don't even know how to haggle in my own language let alone theirs. And they're both so funny! If only we can understand each other 100% of the time, then we'd have a marvelous time.

After that we went to a fancy mall and looked at all kinds of crap. Didn't buy anything there. Well, okay, we did buy a couple of authentically-Italian-sounding pizza. They were too thin! Even thinner than Shakey's thin crust! Totally not worth the price. But the buffalo wings were pretty good. The sauce didn't deserve to be called spicy/hot but well maybe for them that's already hot. People usually underestimate my brother and my standard for hotness (in food). 

We brought the food home to dad (my aunt was somewhere else). We watched basketball while eating. I'm beginning to be a sports fan because of that. Anyway, after a little while, our cousins dropped us off a night market. They didn't come with us because they observed that we don't buy anything if they're with us. Which is true. It's just really uncomfortable when people check out what you buy. I don't want them to see all the crap I bought.

So now I'm home after all that walking. My back hurts and my hip hurts but it's all good. I can't wait to try on the clothes I bought. I'm so glad they have my size here. I just really wish they do too in shoes. We went to a lot of shoe store and the biggest shoe size I've seen is size 7! Goodness, they have freakishly small feet.

Anyway, I gotta get back to playing online poker now. Lol. :)

Today

Well, I got up a little late (well, for my usual standards, 8:45AM is EARLY. But of course, here it's like, midmorning already). I waited for my brother to knock and drag me downstairs for breakfast. Figured that he would while I was still in the bathroom but no. Then while I was taking a bunch of quizzes a knock did come but it was from my aunt. She said a whole buncha stuff. The only thing I got from it was "Come with me, we're going ___ (basta somewhere)." So I went.

Turned out she wanted me to eat breakfast in the car on the way to the market. As in a wet market. I've only been to a palengke back home like, once or twice, and that was when I was much much younger. But the palengke here is awesome. It's super clean and doesn't smell and there are all kinds of crap!

Okay, if my friends are reading this, they should be excited because I bought them all kinds of crap. Seriously. This country manufactures crap like no other. The crap I'm referring to are cute semi-useless things. They have tons of stuff here and fancily-packaged food and stuff. Seriously. We even found black cotton swabs!!! That's actually HELLO KITTY black cotton swabs! I really don't know why they love Hello Kitty so much. That kitten's everywhere.

Anyway, tonight my bro and I walked all the way to a McDonald's nearby. He figured that since there's a McDonald's there, there could be a good place to look around in. Turns out there wasn't so we walked back and on the way checked out a public park. He couldn't resist a restaurant and ordered a beef meal. People here are big on vegetables. That doesn't surprise me because fruits and vegetables here taste so AWESOME! They're all so fresh and organic. It's like their soil has supernatural abilities or something.

So anyway, we got home at around 10:30. Kinda late. Had to dash up here to my room to prevent them from seeing a couple of breads we bought. We have to sneak food in here because my aunt is such a health buff. She doesn't believe in soda drinks (but she doesn't drink water! what kind of health buff is that???) and of course junk food. And since she cooked us a delicious dinner it's kinda offensive to her to see us with more food, as if she doesn't feed us enough. She does. She stuffs us with all kinds of food. If only those aren't perishable I would definitely take a whole lot of them back to my mom and my friends. They're so fancily made! Like this morning she gave me this pao made of rice and inside are some beef bits I think and chopped veggies. Really good. She said my grandma loved eating that. And also we always have soy milk. There's instant coffee but she buys us soy milk. It's good.

So okay, I've forgotten to bring the camera with me everytime we went out today so there aren't any pics yet. Oh and I forgot to mention that we went to a mall called Sogo and ther's a Hermes and Chanel and Louis Vuitton store there but we didn't go in 'coz we're dressed like crap and my hair is messily tied up because I didn't wash it this morning since it's cold and all. We wanted to take pictures though at the outside of the LV building but... it's too fancy. 

Fine. I'm going to bed now. Or a little later. Basta. 'Til next post.

 

Anti-Cola

They also don't allow carbonated drinks and candies and junk food. No wonder my aunt is one hot 60-something year old. Seriously, she could pass for a 40-something-year-old. I wonder how they deal with emotional emergencies. Drink a huge vat of tea maybe?

I'd pick all-in-fat ice cream for crap moments anytime. I can always detox later.

So, second day's over. No video conference calls yet. I don't know where my friends are and what they're doing. I hope they're having a great summer. I don't wanna spoil that with my whining.

Today I watched the Yankees lose, threw up, washed plates, threw up some more, went to a chiropractor and had my appendix creamed, went out to buy water (I really can't believe they don't drink water; there was a pitcher of water we found beside the thermos and it had white moldy stuff floating on it - how long has it been sitting there not being drunk?), went to a sort of night market/peryahan thing, sneaked in a bar of Snickers, and now I'm here filling up what disc space I have. 

I'm gonna try to find stuff to bring home to my friends. There are all sorts of crap here.

I don't have pictures yet...

Okay, I think I'll watch some shows and movies tonight. Started reading Watchmen though. The movie keeps flashing in my head.

They Don't Drink Water

Seriously. We just had lunch and there wasn't any drinkable water around.

Last night we were each given a bottle of water. I thought that was just for the night. Of all the health shiz they subscribe to, not drinking plain water is too big a contradiction. True, tea is good for one's body but nothing beats regular water. I can't believe I just drank a mouthful of water after a big lunch. I might die of dehydration. I'd probably spend all my money on water now.

My brother and I poked around the refrigerator out back and found a couple of bottles. But get this: they're expired. I didn't know water had an expiration date. But right there stamped on the bottle was 2007.05.04. I'm not sure what that date was; it could be the manufacturing date. But even if it were, that means that that bottle of unopened water was 2 years old! Goodness! How have they survived this long?

I terribly miss our water dispenser.

Another dilemma: I'm running out of disk space. If I'm staying here for a month, at this rate, I will finish my remaining 140gb of free disk space. I really should transfer some of my stuff on my brother's laptop.

Morning Sickness

So this is what it feels like.

Okay, I'm not pregnant. This is just the side effect of the medication I'm taking to regularize some of my biological functions. 

It is AWFUL. 

I've been breathing deeply to keep things down but there are weird smells that bring them all back up. I've already eaten sweets and drank water but the nausea is still there. And the memory of that cold chicken cooked in beer last night... Eugh. I really don't wanna think about it. It was HORRIBLE. It makes me want to throw up extra hard. I think the memory of that dish will keep me from eating anything else in a long long time. Wow. I'd be thin.

Still, this all feels so bad... I hate it. And I just wanna sleep but I can't because I'm not in my own house hence I'm not a princess here. Ugh. 

At pinagtitripan ako ng tiya ko. Lahat nalang. Papaaralin ng Chinese, make me go to the gym, even stand on that weird torture device-ish stretching thing while watching TV. 

I know, I know, those things are actually beneficial for me but ugh! This is my irrational side. I hate it that they're getting on my case. I wish they'd just leave me alone. I wish my dad would teach me how to be independent in an English-speaking country. And please stop shoving the Chinese language down my throat. I don't dislike it but please just quit pushing it. I don't like being told what to want. I know it's a good and important language but I want to learn to love it in my own time.

I feel like throwing up again.

Me?

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

--> Me? Straightforward? Hmm.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

--> Haha. Hahahahaha! Hahahahahahahaha!!! So true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

--> So where are those dates you're talking about?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

--> Exactly.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

-->You just said that I'd end up with an unusual job and yet now you say I'd choose something secure and practical. What kind of job is unusual and at the same time secure and practical? Like, an undertaker or something?

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Headache

Maybe because I got used to Philippine summer weather these past few weeks that 20 degrees C is a little cold for me already. Right now breathing through my nose is giving me a headache (coupled with that weirdly sweet scent - at first it was nice but now I'm getting a little sick of it... and I have to spend a month in it).

Also, since it's cold, there's no reason to turn on the air conditioner (and there are no electric fans here). I'm used to the nonstop whirring of appliances back home (especially my desktop) that I find deafeningly silent the lack of those sounds. I have to leave my ipod stuck to my laptop so I'll have proper "sleep music" because all I have in this laptop are Christmas songs. Will that harm my iPod's battery???

Hello from Taiwan!

OK, it's my first time to ever go here. Not that I really dreamed of going here but I'm happy that I'd be able to add another pin on my map. 

So far it's been OK. The thing I'm most thankful for is their awfully fast internet connection. Goodness. The time it took for me to download and install the AIM messenger (about only a minute) would've been 10x slower back home. I should've brought extra disk space... Well, dear ol' Samwyn (my iPod) is here to help. Thank heavens for 160gb ipods. 

Anyway, my Chinese has been criticized several times today. I admit that I am no expert but I do understand what they're saying (most of the time). I just am kinda shy to speak it. So as a result of that, during my free time, they're gonna send me to a nearby university to study Chinese language! Wow. I spent more than 13 years of my life studying that language and it still isn't enough. Man. Well, at least I'd get to meet new people... (which I am NOT good at. Where's the silver lining again?)

I'm so glad my cousin knows how to speak in English. 

OK, I don't know what the wake up time here is so I gotta sleep a little early (by midnight - that's early for me). I'm guessing it's around 8AM, but I kinda have the feeling that my aunt will wake me up at 7AM for that live baseball game. I showed some interest in baseball while watching the news awhile ago (she offered us the remote control to switch to our channel of desire - but all channels are in Chinese! Oh except HBO, which has Chinese subtitles. And the most boring movie ever.). Apparently, baseball is really big here. They've got a Taiwanese pitcher in the Yankees, am I right? Not sure. Basta he's very good according to her. They even have a calendar with his pictures on it.

OK, that's all for now. 

P.S. They keep offering us fruits. Real healthy. But they keep on feeding us. I hope I don't gain more weight.

Ewan.

Written nung tinopak ako temporarily.

April 7, 2009

10:57PM

Tuesday

I hate it when sometimes he's being cute without realizing it.

Ugh.

Focus, Tep. Erase, erase.

Phantom Fever

Written yesterday when I was sniffling away early in the morning.

April 7, 2009

9:12AM

Tuesday

Damn. I watched Phantom of the Opera again and as usual, I couldn't help crying. At least now it's more of a silent crying type than the bawling my eyes out and wailing like before. 

I just... He's just so lonely, you know? And the world's been so unfair to him. All he's known is darkness and cruelty and they blame him for his aggressive murderous behavior. If people weren't so cruel to him, he would've learned gentler ways. They made him that way and now they're condemning him for the result of their own faults. Ugh.

I might also be saying this just because it's Gerard Butler. Even with a messed up half of a face, he's still the hottest phantom ever. And man does he sound good. The rockstar voice really suits his character. The stage play phantoms I've heard all have that smooth boyband-ish voice. Gerry's is way way better, you know, with the angst and all. 

Also, he performed that role really well. I wouldn't be crying if he weren't so convincing. I mean, yeah, Christine is wonderful too (and it keeps running through my mind that at the time of the making of that movie, she was underage and her leading men are all way older). But the Phantom's performance was what made the movie. If he failed to portray the loneliness, the bitterness, and the pain, it would just be another semi-slasher flick. But Gerry managed to give all those characteristics to the Phantom and made him a sympathetic character, which is of course the point of the movie (for me at least. I mean, Raul is just a whiny bi-atch, why want him to be the point of sympathy?)

And might I add that making people as beautiful as Gerard Butler cry should me made a crime. Man. That scene when he was in front of the musical monkey with cymbals... That just tears me up. I swear. It was so full of everything painful in the world. He loved her. He loved her. He loved her. And she chose that whiny albeit rich prick.

Okay, I'm admitting that I may not feel as strongly as this if the Phantom wasn't Gerard Butler. But hey, the first time I saw it I didn't even know who he was so... Okay fine. I still thought that the Phantom was a deal more handsomer than what I expected. Lol. Still. Good acting.

Wrestlemania Part Deux

Written the same night as the Wrestlemania post before this.

10:28PM

See, there were a lot of people who weren't too happy with the Money in the Bank results. What story are they starting, I wonder? I bet Christian will have a big part in that. Punk-Christian rivalry. Hmm. I don't remember Christian well enough to decide if that's gonna be a good one or not. I just kind of remember that he was there when Chris Jericho was there before and then both of them disappeared. Were they tag teams or something? They also kinda look alike.

I'm getting a little sleepy not.

Oh man, they're showing the Fan Access Tour again. There were people who came all the way from Japan! Goodness! Why am I not there?! That is just so awesome. Come on. Man. I wish, I really sincerely wish, that by the time I'm able to watch Wrestlemania live, Tripe H and the Undertaker are still there. I really really wish that. If Stone Cold could be there too that would be tremendous, even just for a couple of beers.

It's the Kid Rock performance. Hmm.Plaid is really in.

Babay.

I'm at the airport lounge. I'll be leaving in about 45 minutes. Aw. Babay.

*Yey to free REALLY FAST wifi.

Wrestlemania 25

Written last night. My brother hogged the internet for 3 days straight. Ugh.

April 6, 2009

10:10PM

Monday

So I'm rewatching Wrestlemania 25 right now. It was pretty awesome. I kinda expected a little more bang with the entrances and stuff but I did miss a couple of matches since there was another "family crisis" awhile ago. Although I did see the performance of Kid Rock. Not a big fan of him but I have to say that his number was great! Really pumped up the event.

Agh. I really wanted to be there. They showed some pre-event stuff like meet and greet and stuff and there were people who came all the way from Australia and Scotland and some other far away places! Ugh. If only I had the money and of course the visa to go there, I would have. I mean, I got the time now. 

I wonder if Wrestlemania 30's gonna be a big deal too. I probably can attend that one. Well, if I don't have a super busy demanding job that is. But I would find a way.

Wow, this ladder match is different. They have Kane and Mark Henry who are HUGE, I think a little too huge for the usual ladder match contestants. Can the ladder actually hold Mark Henry up?

Ah, I missed CM Punk. Now I remember why I had a little crush on him back then. That smile is just... *kilig*

Hornswoggle! Up up and away! 

When I was watching awhile ago, I was having lunch just in time for Shawn Michaels' and Undertaker's match. Man, I could hardly get anything down. I was so scared that the writers have gone completely mad and allowed a 16-1. Takot lang nila. The world would probably riot. Well, there were people who wanted Taker to lose. But that's just stupid. Well, unfair to the legend. Why ruin a perfectly awesome legend? It would be inconsistent with the Undertaker's character and overall story. Shawn Michaels already had loads of wonderful Wrestlemania history-making things. The one with Bret Hart and of course the one with ending Ric Flair's career. This streak is Undertaker's thing. Don't be selfish and take that away from him.

Okay, so it's still the Money in the Bank match. Can't believe CM Punk won again. I mean, I'm not upset by it but I really though Christian would win this or maybe Finlay or Shelton Benjamin, maybe even Hornswoggle. Punk two years in a row? Hmm. 

OK, I'll be back later. Their backs against steel ladders are hard to tear my eyes from. 

Typing Away

Written awhile ago when there was no electricity hence no internet connection.

April 4, 2009

7:19AM

Saturday

Ah, Saturday morning. This is reserved for awesome breakfast and of course, cartoons! Which I was just watching when the cable decided to go off. Ugh. Alfred has just kicked evil plants into the fireplace. I didn't know Batman's butler was that maangas. 

I missed Saturday morning cartoons. I always sleep late so usually I'm asleep in the morning. Watching cartoons this time of day makes me feel like a kid again. Aw. I know I can't keep hanging onto that part of my life anymore but hell, I still have a couple of months until I absolutely have to face the real world. 

- Intermission - I'd just like to say that Batman's utility belt is awesome! I so have to read the comic books or at least watch this whole cartoon series. He was held captive by Poison Ivy in some sort of pink vegetable sac and it sensed that he had "low brain activity" and concluded that it was due to his imminent destruction so it sent a huge electric jolt that burned off the planty thing that covered his mouth and kept him in that super environmental purgatory.

Okay. What was I saying? Oh yeah. The real world. Well, it will still be there when I come back from Taiwan. I really have to fix my resume when I'm there. Right now I just really want to work in a hotel PR and/or marketing department. Agh, I know I really want some experience in production so I can be a creative writer in WWE because seriously, I think they need some new blood there, with the whole Vicky-Edge-Big Show triangle... Okay, I just vomited a little in my mouth. It's really lame and disgusting. I would've just made her like Theodore Long, you know, general manager but not abused with stupid storylines. Vicky deserves more respect than that. If I were her, I don't think I could kiss Big Show and Edge. I respect them as superstars; they're awesome. But kiss them?! Eugh. Unless they make me kiss Randy Orton or Jeff Hardy. 

Sigh. Jeff. I don't know why I have a huge crush on him.

Awesome! It's Justice League now! Jack TV has great Saturday morning cartoons. I have seen every episode of this but I like watching it again. Ah, yes. I remember that I had a huge crush on cartoon Batman because of this show. He's really smart and smooth and mysterious and handsome!

Yiheee. Batman *hearts* Wonder Woman.

Okay, I've totally lost whatever semi-serious thing I was gonna say so I'll just keep on ranting about how awesome Jack TV shows are. 

I would like to get all of The Simpson's episode. It's celebrating it's 20th year this year. How great is that? Even though I've only seen a couple of episodes here and there, I think it's simply awesome. Some people think it's dumb but actually it's because they don't get the real goal of the show which is to be a parody of real life. There's actually an article about the philosophy and the Simpsons (and also Seinfeld and Buffy the Vampire Slayer which I'll track down and read later)! Besides, it's hilarious, so what are those snooty ___ complaining about?

Okay, this time the electricity went off. Ugh. What is wrong with this place. But the good news is that my CPU is back! I'm not using it yet to let it fully recover from its recent explosion. And I still have stuff to finish downloading in this laptop. I just wish the electricity turns back on right away! It's so hot! I don't wanna sweat!

Bored at the Seminar

Written yesterday when I was typing with my eyes closed - caffein+sugar didn't help my sleepiness.

April 3, 2009

2:40PM

Friday

Goodness. Inaantok na ako sobra. I'm here at a seminar about graphic design and stuff. The instructor is currently talking about how to work Dreamweaver. It's interesting and all pero parang ugh FrontPage lang siya. Ang basic, kung magsearch ka lang sa internet tutorials malalaman mo na lahat. Inaantok na talaga ako. Napapapikit na ako. I just wana slump down on my table and snooze. I only had almost 2 hours of sleep kanina. And walang wifi! Goodness. This is so annoying. Nadelay yung download schedule ko. I'm aiming for at least 10 fun movies to bring to Taiwan. Puro kasi sci-fi yun andito sa akin. Not that I don't enjoy them. I think Firefly is awesome. Pero minsan kelangan ko muna ng pasakali in the form of romantic comedies or family movies bago ako manood ng kailangan kong pakinggan nang mabuti. Kaso WALANG WIFI wtf. Merong nadedetect pero password protected. Sana merong software na nakakadecrypt ng passwords ng wifi. Grr. 

Sabi sa papel 4:30 daw matatapos pero sabi nila 6 daw. Kung 6 ito matatapos mamamatay na ako. Makakatulog ako AS IN. Gusto ko na talaga makinig ng iPod pero siyempre pinipigilan ko. Naglakad na ako sa labas at lahat eh pero ayan inaantok pa rin ako. Dapat siguro naghilamos ako. O kaya nagkape. O kaya naghilamos ng mainit na kape para talagang gising na gising! 

Natetempt na rin akong panoorin yung huling episode ng Supernatural. Nakakabitin kasi kagabi. Kailagan ko na uminom ng kape. Please.

Angels and Demons Indeed

*WARNING* Spoilers of Supernatural 4x16 

I...

That episode was...

Okay. Deep breath.

Supernatural gets harder and harder to watch each week, not because it's getting bad (although this was sort of the case the last three or four episodes) but because of all the... pain.

Everything is just too painful! The secrets, the past, the hidden feelings, the duty and responsibility, and of course, the inevitable.

But this episode, episode 16, made up for all the less than fabulous (didn't wanna say crappy because Supernatural is, even at its worst, always an inch or more above crappy) the past month. It also made up for the month-long hiatus. This episode was simply... awesome. It revealed so much, explained a lot and of course added more pain and despair into the mix.

Why do they keep doing that to Dean?!

My thoughts while watching this episode:

• Why does Castiel always has that expression like a puppy has just been killed? Sometimes he alternates it with looking constipated.

• Sammy is such a dumbass/asshole and also the hottest evil dude ever. I swear, he got cuter.

• In my opinion, Dean has every right to legally own the cry, "Why do bad things always happen to me?!"

• And really, why does everything always happen to Dean? What did he ever do to deserve this?

• I think I've heard this somewhere else, but it still made my "Top t-shirt-printable quotes" list:
  

Alister to Dean: "Go straight to Hell. Do not pass go, do not collect 200."

It's extra funny because Dean was torturing him. Okay, it doesn't sound funny right now especially with the torture thingy but really, you have to see it to get it. Or maybe I just have a weird ass sense of humor.

• I absolutely loathe Ruby and Sam is the stupidest person in the whole world. What does he think he's doing?! Dean's right from the get go. Ruby's e DEMON. You CAN'T TRUST demons. Ever. What did he go all vampire-y for?

• This reminds me of Harry Potter. Harry turned out to be one of the Horcruxes he was tasked to destroy. Dean turned out to have broken the first seal and consequently started the process of the apocalypse, which seals he was saved from hell for to help keep from being broken.

• These are all some of the angels' fault.
  

Okay. So far that's it. I would really love to watch the next episode but I have to get up early in the morning for I have an all day seminar to attend. And it's almost 4:30AM. Hmm. Now I want my pancakes.

Minsan, mahirap pag napapaisip

Nung isang linggo lang excited na ako maggraduate. Apat na taon ko ring hinintay ang pagkakataong iyon. Well, actually, more like 19 years. Isipin mo naman, mag-3 palang ako nagumpisa na akong mag-aral. Almost 22 na ako ngayon. Ang ibang bata mga 14-16 years lang ang aral. Ako 19. Sino ba naman ang hindi magsasawa. Hehe. 

So ayun nga, nung isang linggo, nung isang buwan, basta nung patapos na ang klase, hindi ako makapaghintay magtapos. May halo ring kaba ang paghihintay siyempre alam kong magbabago na ang lahat pero mas sumaibabaw ang excitement. Feeling ko para bang kayang kaya ko ang lahat. Sinasabihan nga ako ng mga kaibigan ko na ang dami dami ko raw pangarap. Well, totoo naman. Nakakatawang mga pangarap nga eh. Parang hindi seryoso pero seryoso akong gusto ko ang mga iyon. Kasi kung ganun ang maging trabaho ko, eh di matutupad ang iba ko pang mga pangarap (like meet WWE superstars in person and up close). Hit two birds with one stone diba? At sino ba ang ayaw maging masaya sa trabaho nila? Isipin mo ba naman, more or less iyan na ang gagawin mo habangbuhay. Para kang ikinasal. Unless you take a sabbatical, which is sort of a "cool off" period. Or quitting to change careers, parang legal separation. When you get fired, parang divorce dahil may separation pay which is kinda like alimony. 

Ano na bang sinasabi ko?

Ah. Ayun. Ang fresh grad high. Nagtapos sa pinakamagandang unibersidad sa bansa (no offense to people who have different loyalties). Para bang lahat ng maisip mo malamang makakaya mo, matatanggap ka sa kahit anong trabaho. Pangalan palang ng pinaggraduatan mo ok na. Di naman bagsakin. Above average naman ang grades, may konting extracurriculars, konting work experience at inattendan na seminars here and there. Parang OK na noh? Ang ganda na ng feeling ko kelan lang. Never ako naging 100% confident sa sarili ko. Yung feeling of confidence na naramdaman ko nun, it was around 97% which is a lot for me. Parang madali lang lahat. I didn't feel panicky even though I know that I graduated at the unfortunate time of economic crisis. Ewan. Parang madali lang kasi eh. Parang kaya ko gawin kahit ano.

Tapos nung isang araw, as usual naglalaro ako ng ___ Wars (punan nalang ang patlang ng Vampire, Mafia, o Mob), napuntahan ko ang home page ko. Napansin ko na may ilang taong nag-add sa akin. Eh di add rin. Then I noticed na yung isa sa kanila ay naggraduate sa MIT! Ampucha! Angas eh. On the one hand I'm proud na merong Judenite na nakapagtapos doon. Grabe, as in hindi basta basta yun. On the other hand, parang lahat ng naramdaman kong confidence sa pinagtapusan ko ay naglaho. Para bang ang liit liit ko. Hindi naman kasi internationally recognized ang Ateneo. Siguro sa iilang mga bansa lang but not really where it matters (to me, at least). I love my school so much pero parang nasampal ako sa katotohanan na kahit gaano kaganda at kagaling ito, nasa Pilipinas pa rin lang ito, at ang prestige at honor ng pagtatapos dito ay marerecognize sa Pilipinas lang at hindi na sa ibang bansa. Siguro iisipin ng ilang mambabasa kung bakit ko inaalala ang iisipin ng ibang bansa. Bakit, magtatrabaho ba ako abroad? Malay mo, malay ko rin. I don't want to confine myself in only looking for a job in this country, pero ang gusto ko talaga magumpisa dito. Pero kung iisipin mo, sa paghahanap ng trabaho, sino ba ang mas papaboran lalo na ng mga tao ditong hinding hindi na mawawalan ng colonial mentality (and this whole rant stems from the same thing: I too have colonial mentality. hindi ko alam ang pamamaraan ng pagtuturo at pagaaral sa mga Ivy League schools but there's a reason why they're that sought after and why they top the world's universities list)? Yung nagtapos sa prestigious school only recognized here or someone who graduated from a prestigious school recognized everywhere?

Ewan ko ba kung bakit ako nabibitter at nagpapalulong sa self-pity/loathing. Isa sa pilosopiya ko kasi sa buhay ay hindi naman sa grades mababase ang buong buhay mo. Nasa diskarte lang iyan. Alam kong it sounds like an excuse ng mga tamad, pero proven na iyan. Hindi lahat ng great people nagtapos sa magagandang paaralan o nagtapos ng may honors or nagtapos at all. Sipag at tiyaga at determinasyon at diskarte lang. Siyempre with God's help diba. Pero parang ngayon, alam kong I did things right naman. Not perfect but good enough. Excellently mediocre nga daw. I mean, I know technically I'm good enough. Pero parang wala. Nung kelan ang inaalala ko eh kung saan ako maguumpisa sa dami kong gustong gawin. Ngayon ang umuulit ulit lang sa utak ko ay pag-uwi kong galing Taiwan, wala na akong pera. Wala akong trabaho. At the same time ayoko munang magtrabaho dahil I don't want to fall into something long term again. I don't wanna be stuck in anything again. Gusto ko pang magrelax ng ilang buwan, kahit buong summer lang. But I can't keep asking money from my parents and this little business thingy we're planning isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Saan ako kukuha ng panggastos? Yan ang problema.

Hay.

Pero kung tatanungin ako basta gusto ko pumasok sa PR ng hotel, specifically sa Crowne Plaza dahil doon nagsstay ang halos lahat ng dumayo ditong celebs. Shems noh. I'll get to entertain them. I will love my work forever.

Ewan. Nakakatamad isipin. I'm going back to playing. I don't wanna grow up just yet. Sa June na.